How do you get a jew out of an empty pool? Give him a lader

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A lady was walking to the grocery store as she was walking she saw a old lady with a dog behind them where two black merses and about 200 women behind the merses. The lady Rushes over and ask '' Maim i am sorry to bother you but i would like to know who you lost and how?'' The old lady paused for a minute and awnsered '' I lost my husband and mother in law, Well My husband had just walked in to the house and my new dog went and ferousiously atacted him my mother in law had been living with us at the time she the jumped in and tried to help him They both died because of blood loss'' The lady looked at her with simpathy and thought i feel sorry for her husband and his mother she then asked '' Can i barrow your dog'' the old lady looked puzzled and said '' Get in line '' The lady walked to the end of the line as the dog was Passed to a women and taken home then passed back. When the women got her turn she thought do i want to kill my husband then she thought yes

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So a bunch of blondes are in a group and a murder comes by and sais, "if you want to live, answer a question right." so the blondes pick there smartest on. the first question is, what is 9+4... the blonde answers five, the crowd goes "give her another chance giver her another chance, same thing happens, she gets it wrong and the crowd goes "give her another chance, give her another chance." the murderer sais "ok fine this is your final guess, what is 2+2" the blonde goes "uuhhhhhh... 4?" And the whole crowd goes "give her another chance give her another chance

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Knock Knock! Well come on in!

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Knock knock (who's there) Orange ( orange who) orange you glad to see

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Why is 6 so afraid of 7? Because 7 was a registered six offender.

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Why was the Africanan boy hungry? Because food is hard to come by in Africa.

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What's the difference between a Watermelon and a baby? One is fun to smash with a sledgehammer, the other is a watermelon.

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What do you call a beagle and an eagle mixed together? A beagle.

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Jimmy wet his pants in class during geography class. The teacher asked: "Oh Jimmy, why did you do that?" Jimmy answered: "I don't know" Everyone laughed at him and Jimmy went home very sad. And with wet pants.

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Why didn't the boy cross the street? He didn't have legs

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How did the two blondes stay alive at the bottom of a pool for half an hr? They didn't and they died.

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Why was the boy dad? Because he was taken advantage of by an older woman during ovulation and impregnated her.

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Why can't we see the wind? Because no one likes you...

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You see how lame this is?

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roses are red. vilets are blue. I'm getting hungry. make me some food...bitch.

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What is big and white and will kill you if it falls from a tree? I don't know. I cant think f anything big and white that fall from trees that can kill you and besides if it is big enough to kill you then you will likely see it and avoid the section of that tree lest the big white object should fall and kill you because of this it is likely that anything that is big and white and falls from trees will in result kill you.

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A newborn, an infant, a teenager, a person in their 20s, a person in the 40s, a person in their 60s, a person in their 70s, a person in their 80s, and a little old lady who is about 105 walk into a bar. Wait, infants can't walk.

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Want to hear a joke? Me too.

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whats green andthrows forks at you? a blonde painted green in a bush wih a gun and a fly on her eye

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There once was a man from Madrass Whose balls were made out of brass This was incredibly uncomfortable and embarrassing for him. It also affected his sexual potency and rendered him infertile, Which drastically affected his ability to enter and sustain relationships with women.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his cow? Where's my wife?

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....ZZzzzzz.....ZZzzzzz.....

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What's the difference between a jazz musician and a cheese pizza? A cheese pizza is a food and a jazz musician is a person.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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