Did you hear about the absent minded professor that tried to change the tire on his pickup truck? He forgot to lock the jack and the truck crushed his head like and egg shell.

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What do you all a dead black man? A corpse.

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Yo mama so fat because it's in her genes.

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What is translucent and smells like a carrot ? A translucent carrot.

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Marrage s like a card game. You start off with 2 hearts and 1 diamond. You end up wishing for a club and a spade!

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what is worse then finding a worm in your apple find a worm in your ass

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Q: Where did little Suzie go during the bombing? A:Everywhere

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yo mamas so cruchy people might mistake her for a cheeto!

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Why can't a black guy be the King of England? He's not in line for it.

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What has four legs and starts with the letter D? A cow.

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A Sloth runs...

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What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? We're both lawyers.

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Why couldn't the black guy enter the room? He was too large to fit through the doorway therefore he turned around and left

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Roses are red, Violets are red, Holy crap, the garden's on fire.

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A man violently raped a small child. Unfortunately the child had aids and gave them to the man.

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What do you call a man with a towel on his head? A good target.

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What is the difference between a pile of dead babies and a ferrari? I dont have a ferrari in my garage.

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What salad was served in the salad bar on the Titanic? Probably a selection of green leaves, radishes, cucumber, sliced hard boiled egg and cherry tomatoes, topped with cress, mixed seeds and a delicate dressing.

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Why did Mia fall off of Lucy's bike?.. She was 4 and hadn't learned how to ride a bike yet... Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead... Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?.. It was stapled to the first monkey... Why was Suzie angry?.. Her parents had only found one bike at the marketplace... Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?.. It thought it was a game... Why did the fridge fall out of the tree?.. It had no arms... Lucy fall off her bike?.. She was crushed by 3 monkeys and a fridge... There's 500 bricks on a plane and you throw one out, how many are left?.. 499 bricks... How do you get an elephant into a fridge?.. Open the fridge, take the elephant out, close the fridge... How do you get a deer into a fridge?.. Open the fridge, take the elephant out, close the fridge... The lion is celebrating his birthday and, being the king of the jungle, all the other animals were in attendance except for one... Why?.. The deer was in the fridge... Little Mia is looking for Lucy and comes across an alligator-infested river... How does she cross it?... She swam... The alligators are at the lion's party... She died anyways, though... What happened?.. A brick fell on her head... Why did Suzie fall off the swing?.. She was trampled by the elephant, who was in a hurry to get to the lion's party in time... Why did the ethologist couple commit suicide?.. Their 3 daughters there killed by a brick, an elephant and 3 dead monkeys followed by a fridge... Note: yeah not 100% original, i mixed some already existing jokes together... works better if you don't tell them all at once but sprinkle them in with lots of other unrelated jokes...

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Q: What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? A: They both have handlebars except for the duck!

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This is a joke setup.

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Know what's worse than three bee stings? living every day in fear of your schizophrenic hallucinations

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How much wood would a woodchuck chu... Forget this, this is overused.

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Pee is yellow Shit is? brown My shit is yellow WTF

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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