What's yellow and can't swim? A bulldozer

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Lol... (wow you made me type lol), "like it is nothing to be ashamed of?" Your eyes are really beautiful, honestly probably the most beautiful eyes I have seen... And no, I am not talking about your bewbs.

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Why did the duck eat the fish? It needed protein.

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I'd like to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the rest of te people in his car.

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Why couldn't Jimmy wash his hair? He has leukemia and therefore no longer has hair.

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Why didn't the dog come to his master when it was called? It didn't have any legs.

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A girl is talking with her boyfriend - God, you're selfish!!! - No, i sell meat.

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What do you call a bird with a broken wing? A bird with a broken wing.

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What did the statue say to the other statue? stat-you?

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so a unicorn walks into a bar... and then i woke up

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what happens when you throw a green rock into the red sea? -- it gets wet

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Dont listen to your heart all it dose is BEAT BEAT BEAT

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What did the Asian say to the American? herro. rook at me. i have round eye i american!

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What's it called when an abusive alcoholic father iguana has trouble connecting with his wayward teenage drug addict son iguana, while at the same time the mother iguana doesn't come home till late hours and constantly calls her daughter iguana a slut? Reptile Dysfunction.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house? no... Well, It's really nice. :)

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Two muffins are sitting next to each other in the dessert. A hungry and lost man passes by and considered eating one of the muffins. Unfortunately he can't make a decision in time and took of in his 4-wheel drive. The next day a camel walks by and eats one of the muffins. The camel dies instantly, apparently the muffin the camel ate was poisoned. The now not so hungry and lost man looks at the dead camel and noticed the zoo is almost closing now. So he left in a hurry, to cook for his family.

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A cricket walks into a bar and the bartender says,"Hey, we have a drink named after you!' and the cricket says,"Oh really? You have a drink named Joe?"

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You see that dog over there with no tail? You know what that means, don't you? What? Someone cut it off.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Neglegence and irresponsibility of a farmer.

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What did helen keller say when she saw a talking horse? nothing. because she didn't see the horse and they also cannot talk.

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A Black man, a Latino, and a Midget get into a car. They drive to the county fair, get snow cones and ride the tilt-a-whirl.

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What's the difference between a guy who sees the glass half empty and a guy who sees the glass half full? The first guy is happier because his tables tip more than the second guy's.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean? Dead.

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Eric went for a poo in the public toilets. After he finished, he realised that there was no toilet roll. So he had to just pull up his pants and put up with his sshitty arse for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, he was in a board meeting and when he went in he stank of shit and it was a very uncomfortable feeling.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops