How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Attack her with a sanding machine.

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Q: What's the difference between a trampoline and a bag of dead babies? A: I take off my shoes when I jump on a trampoline.

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How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Stab her.

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What did the Cat get for Christmas? Nothing cats don't celebrate Christmas

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What did Wonder Woman say to Superman? I'm wonder woman.

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Why did the old man die? He died because he saw the light wich happened to be a street light in the distance.

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What do you call a window you can see throu? A window.

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What do you call a guy with no arms and legs buried 6 feet under the ground? Doug What do you call a guy with no arms and legs buried 3 feet under the ground? Douglas

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't. He has no legs.

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There are two types of people in this world, those that can't count

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An Indian lady is pushing her child down a footpath in a stroller whilst leading her dog. A refridgerator lands on the mother. Why did the Chinese man behind her cry? Because loss of life is a frantic event and having witnessed such an event he was deeply shocked. He was also sad that no dogs were killed. This is because a dog killed his wife in a freak accident and he has held a grudge against the species ever since.

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I violate everyone that do not thumb me green, and vi0late the children, the parents, and the person of those that thumb me red... Its not about the sex, its about the domination... You might even like it...Your kids? Not so much... Well sometimes... Green thumb me, and I will... Meh, then you are awesome... friendly r*pist neighbourhood Moral Man: Subscribe below, address tracker activated... LETS GO!

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One day a terribly epileptic child is put on on a strict Atkins diet by his loving mother. A week later he finds that the frequency and intensity of his seizures have been reduced by its ketogenic effects, which provides exogenous fats for the body to burn, but limits the available carbohydrate so that ketone bodies build up. It is the high level of these ketones which appear to suppress seizures.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse becomes depressed. He didn't ask to look like this. He drinks himself into a stupor, and then crashes into another car on the highway on the way home, killing a family of five. The horse is now in jail for life.

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Why did the man throw a clock? In retaliation for his wife having thrown a vase at him. The couple has a history of domestic violence. More than one friend has suggested counselling.

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Listen, I cannot as much as I would like, to take the full responsibility for every decision my former followers might decide to make of their own, we are no religion nor do we follow any kind of doctrines, we encourage freedom but also respect for our fellow human beings, all of them regardless of race or affiliation. But you let me know whoever has as much as looked at you the wrong way, and I will make sure they no longer find themselves welcome within my order, nor anywhere else if their actions merit the firm hands of justice.

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What is worse than finding a real joke on Anti-joke.com? Starving children in Africa.

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How can you tell if a man has an erection? His penis is no longer flaccid

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Q: What did the black man, the white man, the hispanic man, and the english man have in common? A: They all enjoyed broccoli.

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Where was Sally when the bomb went off? Everywhere...

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That awkward moment when Amish mingle has a member

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Why didnt suzy give mary i high five? because i cut off her hand

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your skull would make a nice pen holder

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Why are there so many jokes about germans on Anti-Joke? Because the Germans epitomize the flavour of anti-jokes perfectly and they have the whole nazi history thing going on which is ripe ground for many an anti-joke

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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