A man walks out of his house and sees a......BIRD!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -18

You should get a new joke book............ because the newest edition has just be released

thumb_up thumb_down -18

-Knock Knock -Who's there? -George. -George Who? -George Carpenter, Remember? We were in the same class in third grade. -Come on in!

thumb_up thumb_down -18

wanna know the biggest joke on antijoke.com? People's spelling.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Hey, I'm Schrödinger, and this is crazy! But here's a sealed box... the cat lives, maybe...

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What do a bike and a duck have in common? They both have handlebars except for the duck.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Oh, go away

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why did the homosexual man buy the antijoke book he enjoys reading

thumb_up thumb_down -18

what did one dinosaur say to the other? "rawr"

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why do Jew's have long noses? To dig out of the ashes.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What is the diffrence between a jew and a mexican One is a religous practice and the other is a racial diversity

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What's the difference between cat and a watermelon? One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer. The other is a watermelon.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Always do, always will, I have overcome far worse, doctor told my mother when I was born (without a heartbeat) that I was dead, and if they somehow managed to get me breathing again (heart beating etc) I would have suffered so much brain damage that I would not have a concious mind, in other words I would never have been able to learn anything, not to speak nor to type... ...Gotta say I pretty much fucking disagree with the "good" old doctor, and for the record, my heart is as healthy as... Healthy can be I am ambidextrous, but because of this eyedrum mutant thing of mine, I cant tell left from right, because well, to my radar senses both are left and right. Sorry if I am not making much sense here, just bleed a bit out of my nose, had it been from my ears, things could have gotten ugly, but no, its all good.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Nothing if you heard a loud sound or something that was me dropping the phone, by accident, its busted, I will call you when and if all of your "facts" turn out to be true, Hey, had no idea my doppelganger would be so down to earth by the way, so I am sleepy, what about you?

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What's beneath Chuck Norris's beard? A chin I presume, as that is what most humans have under their beards. Chuck Norris is a human and therefore is likely to have a chin. This is all based on the assumption that he is a human, because of the many characteristics he has shown that are humanlike.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Like this if you have a big diick like me Dislike if you have a baby diick Ignore if you're a girl and get back in the kitchen

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A black man and a mexican are in a car. Whos driving? The cop. The two men were best friends who had taken off from their law firm. The mexican, Alex, had recently gone through a divorce and John decided to take him on a trip backpacking across Europe. Rain had suddenly come upon them and a passing off-duty police officer had picked them up and took them to a nearby hotel. The three men had drinks and the friends had a wonderful time. But Alex never got over Jenny leaving him. 3 months after their return John found him dead in his home by auto-erotic asphyxiation.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A man in an airport asked me if i wanted my bag to be carry-on. So i said yes.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What's black and white all over and has a mouth? A Zebra

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A polar bear and a seal are sitting on an ice floe. The polar bear looks at the seal and says, "RAWRRRRRRRRRGGG" and then kills and eats him. A horse walks into a bar Barman says "Why the long face?" The horse replies "My mum died this morning".

thumb_up thumb_down -18

How many fat people does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to hold the ladder, another to screw it in. The third one stands to the side, just in case it breaks.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why did the boy fall off the swing? He had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What's red and black and looks good on a Jew? A bullet wound.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why did the black man approach a small white girl in the alley? He was knew in town and needed directions

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops