Woman:I give my Heart to You! Man:Thank You!!! The Woman then dies because one can't live without a heart

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What does a banana and a helicopter have in common? Neither of them are a police officer.

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If you see a pink banana, you are color blind.

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When life gives you cancer, make cancerade.

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whats yellow and cant swim? A bulldozer

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Women's rights

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Your mom is so fat that she steps on the scale and sees a relatively large number compared to the rest of human society.

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Did you hear about the little girl who got a bike for her birthday? Shes dying of Terminal Cancer

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Why don't women bother to have penises? Because they're lazy and they don't care.

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Why couldn't the man sleep? Because he was a wax model in a museum, and as we all know wax models are inanimate objects thus incapable of consciousness and therefore incapable of unconsciousness as well. Many other inanimate objects are caught up in similar problems relating to their incapability to do anything.

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A black man with a blond beard came to deliver me a pizza. I paid him, tipped him, and closed my door. I forgot the pizza. Dammit.

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Why was the African american pulled over in New Jersey? He was 17 and didn't have his red stickers.

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This is Nero, the guy striving a bit with the fact that he killed his mother in order to save his wife a month or so before Christmas: cathphra is Exceedingly well read, I say than you. I had a nightmare tonight, my parents where serving tomato soup, while my mother made great food (despite the fact they discovered that it was not angel dust she used, but large quantities of opiate that would have killed an elephant) But this time they served me dry tomato soup (that from packages) and a bowl of lukewarm soup. I asked: How am I supposed to mix this? They both gave me the look of "here comes a beating" I started calling my mother many things that horsehead network sensors, then my father grabbed my neck and tried to twist my head off (and in this dream, rather than in reality, he actually succeeded) but I somehow managed to remain alive. Then I yelled in english: THIS IS BECAUSE I KILLED YOU! I HAVE NO SOUL TO TAKE! Only then I realized it was a dream and woke up...You know, because my parents never spoke English so they would not have understood me... I have a broken vertebrae in my neck to prove that my father tried quite hard to break my neck in reality at least... Yeah, I am mostly over it, I killed my father when he tried to break my neck because I kept scatching my ortopedic arm while studying (real arm which my mother cut off and then proceeded to beat me up with funny story actually) Then killed my mother years later when she stabbed my girlfriend induced under what turned out to be a heavy dose of opiates, and paralgin forte (which main ingredent is... you guessed it MORE opiates).

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KNOCK KNOCK who's there? hello is anybody there? hello?....... .....the number your trying to reach has been removed please hang up the door knob and put the squirrel back in the lawnmower were belongs

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why did the black man get kicked out of the hospital? nothing was wrong with him.

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why did the chicken cross the road? because it could not afford sandals.

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Q. What's worst than getting kicked in the balls ? A. The holacaust

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Why did the man start a shooting spree at walmart? Because he is mentally unstable and people at walmart make easy targets.

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What did the boy with a crippled arm get for his birthday? A guitar.

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What's worse than finding a dead fly in your soup? Finding your soup in a dead fly

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What do you call a man who's arms have been amputated? It doesn't matter, he won't be able to pick up the phone.

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knock, knock who's there owls owls who thats right owls who

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Why did samba hurt her head? Because she fell out of her mum muff

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What's under there? I'm not falling for that one...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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