What did the parakeet say to the grapefruit? Nothing. Parakeets can't speak.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

ronald wants to join a gym, they tell him to lose 20 pounds before coming back or else.....

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Alzheimer's Roses are red...

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What do you say to a homeless man sat in a train station? That there is a homeless shelter around the corner.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Knock knock. Who's there? You're adopted.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What do you call two black guys holding up a store? Really strong.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

why did the monkey buy a shoe? to put em on!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen." The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "That driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Q: Why was the boy so sad? A: His parents were just killed in a car wreck, therefore orphaning him and his five brothers and sisters and leaving them with no money, food, or shelter due to lack of steady income and the fact that their house had been foreclosed on.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What did the jewish boy get for Christmas? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How do you wake up Lady GaGa? Poke her Face.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A schizophrenic walks into a bar. He has dual personalities and does not realize that he has murdered his family.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: He was being taken to the slaughter house

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How do you define an unsatisfactory kitchen? It won't have a woman chained to the oven.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How do you know if your friend is dead? You shoot him in the face!

thumb_up thumb_down -16

why did the monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? it was stapled to the monkey

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What do you call this? A sentence in English.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How do you give an 80 year old man a heart attack? Hold a gun to his head

thumb_up thumb_down -16

- Do you want to hear a joke? - No. - Ok.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

24

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Have you ever had Ethiopian food? .....Neither have they.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Nicole: Shove it where the sun don't shine! Katlyn: I'm richer than you! Nicole: Shut your frickin' mouth! Katlyn: You'll be bankrupt! (This conversation was recorded while Nicole and Katlyn were playing Monopoly. They both died in a car accident later that day...)

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What do you get when you cross a pumpkin with a kangaroo? An irrelevant punchline.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops