What do you call someone who can legally murder? OJ Simpson

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Why should you never push a Mexican off a bike? Because he will file a lawsuit against you in the event of an injury.

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Matt is a Duster!

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What's green and red? A frog in a blender

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What did man who had diarrhea say to the other man? "I have to go to the toilet."

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Q: Why did the clown fall off the swing? A:He was shot in the face

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I killed your family, and now i'm coming after you.

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YOU MEAN SHE ACTUALLY EVER LIKED ME? WOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Anyway, tell her to contact me here, during the number of letters up there divided by a certain number you got over there, minus the letters here subtracted with the VEEEEEEERY same ammoooouuuuunt... Moral: God I need to invent a code system that makes me sound less like Jim Carrey on crack...

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What did the deaf person see? He was blind too, so he didn't see anything.

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Person A: Knock Knock Person B: Who's there? Person A: It's the police, we have a warrant for your arrest. Open the door. Person B: It's the police, we have a warrant for your arrest, open the door wh-- Suddenly the door is smashed open. Tear gas grenades are rolled in, temporarily blinding Person B. He is then dragged out of his apartment by nine federal agents who proceed to beat him and throw him into the back of an FBI van.

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There once was a man from Peru, Who dreamed he was eating his shoe, When he woke up one night he discovered with fright, That the friendly old neighbor from next door had broken into his house with a chain saw in an alcohol-induced murder attempt.

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Scenario - Two astronauts are kayaking down the Sahara dessert. Question - How many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse? Answer - Purple, because ice cream has no bones.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? Neither has he.

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What happened to the soldier who go shot while fighting terrorists in the middle east? He died and had a proper funeral back in the town/city that he was born in.

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Where did Suzie go after the explosion? Everywhere.

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Why were people laughing when Muhammad Ali signed autographs for his fans? He was making jokes regarding his Parkinson's syndrome in order to elevate an otherwise melancholy experience for the audience.

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Why didn't the condemned man seek a reprieve of his execution? He forgot.

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Q. What happened to the dog when he was kick in the privates? A. Nothing he was neutered a year ago.

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Why is Justin Bieber gay? Justin is attracted to the female gender

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An Asian, a redneck, an Irish, and an Iranian walk into a bar. All but the Iranian were asked to go back to the parking lot and park their car to take up only one space.

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Why did the man hang himself? Because his pistol misfired.

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I Couldn't afford a hair cut... so i purpposely contracted HIV

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Why did the baby cross the road? It was nailed to the chicken

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boys go to college to get more knowledge. Girls go to Jupiter to work in the kitchen.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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