Q: What's worse than tripping down the stairs in front of a crowd of people? A: The bombing of Hiroshima

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Knock knock It's open, come in

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“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

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Horse walks into a bar... Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave.

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Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, hes allergic to it.

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Why does the Pentagon have twice as many toilets built as is legally obliged? Racial segregation

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Whats Stupider than john? Nothing.. he's certifiably retarded

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What did the man say to the prostitute? Can I pay you to come with me to a cheap motel and partake in sexual intercourse with me?

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What did the empty bar stool say to the one next to him? "You look like you have a lot on your shoulders!"

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Why did the kid jump? He didn't.

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don't do anything i wouldn't do first

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Why did the midget fall from a tall building? Because somebody pushed him.

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Two guys walked into a pub... and they totally redecorated it! It was brilliant.

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what's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? when you slap a mosquito it stops sucking:)

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what looks like a bananna but is blue a blue bananna

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Why did the man hit the little boy? His brakes failed.

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Why can't Scrillex fish? Because He is too busy to practice fishing.

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I viewed the terms of service and did not agree to them.

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What can never be seen by the owner, looks like Jesses mom, and smeels like shit. Jesses dick.

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Red my dear, we are no exceptions.

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A man is in the desert and he finds a lamp, he rubs the lamp and out comes a genie! The genie says "I can grant your three wishes, for releasing me from the lamp" The man says "I wish I didn't have AIDS".

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Why did the blonde leave the lamp on while sleeping? Because it helps to see in case you need to get up in the middle of the night. YOU THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO SAY "BECAUSE THEY'RE A LIGHT SLEEPER!" MUAHAHAHAHAHA

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Why did the turtle fall out of the car? It forgot to buckle up

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"So, what do you fancy doing tonight?" "Does it matter? We'll end up doing what you want anyway..."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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