Why did the Cookie Monster go to the Doctor? Because He had an inoperable tumor in his lower intestinal tract.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Why does a squirel swim on his back? Because it was trying to keep his nuts clean

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Remember that part where Jesus gets angry at a fig three and kills it because it "was lazy" for refusing to grow figs at winter? Brother Jeez, that was kinda mean man! You know it was winter rite? Anti Joke or not, that part is funny, so if Jesus returns and wants you to make him a sammich you better go get that goddamn sammich!

thumb_up thumb_down -34

What did the kid with cancer get for his birthday? Nothing he didnt make it that far

thumb_up thumb_down -34

What did the nun eat for breakfast? Baseballs.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

give me a gun or i will shoot you i dont know what with but i will kill you so run run or i will come and get you

thumb_up thumb_down -34

everyone lies especially if they said agree to terms of service

thumb_up thumb_down -34

I named my cat Pounce because she jumps. In retrospect I suppose most cats do jump, in fact, they are even known for it.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

I'm on the seafood diet, a large proportion of my daily food intake consists of fish.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

A blonde lady has a sore throat. Her colleague tells her that whenever she has a sore throat, she performs oral sex on her husband and swallows, and this cures the problem. The next day, the blonde comes into work. The colleague asks if she followed her advice, and the blonde says yes and it worked. The blonde also passes a message from her boyfriend thanking her colleague for the suggestion. The two sets of spouses eventually became close friends and were godparents to each others' children.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Roses are grey Violets are grey Im a dog

thumb_up thumb_down -34

A dimetrodon, a pterosaur and a chicken walk into a bar. As they enter, the bartender says "Hold it! We are not licensed to serve dinosaurs." "I am not a dinosaur," said the dimetrodon. "Neither am I," said the pterosaur. "But I am," said the chicken. So the dimetrodon and the pterosaur enjoyed a cold beer each, but the chicken had to wait outside.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

What did the arsonist shout out in the movie theater? Nothing. He set the exits ablaze and said absolutely nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

whats worse then being a jew now? being a jew in 1942

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Wow, that is one of the things I would think I would react all bad to, but that`s, a strangely attractive quality in you.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Why did the man eat the cat? I don't remember the punchline, but trust me it was hilarious.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

will you like this joke my sources say no

thumb_up thumb_down -34

DEAD ON KANE ITS BEEN ALL YOU ABD CAOIMHIN

thumb_up thumb_down -34

knock knock whose there? penis penis who? penis want vagina

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Why did the girl talk to her computer? Because she was Skyping with some faraway friends. Why were her friends far away? She was sent to the moon. Why was she sent to the moon? Because she tried to create eternal night.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

What do you call a man with no arms an no legs in the ocean? Bob What do you call the same man on your front porch? Matt What do you call the same man on your wall? Art

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Roses are red Violets are blue Columbine was funny

thumb_up thumb_down -36

What's worse than being raped? Not a whole lot-- rape is a very serious mental and emotional strain that will stick with a person for the remainder of their life.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Whats the difference between anne frank and osama bin laden? Nothing. They were both found eventually.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops