A man walked into a bar. Ouch! He tripped over the little step at the entrance. But don't worry, he's not hurt, it just startled him for a second there. They should put a caution sign out front, somebody might get a serious injury. You can never be too safe, after all.

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What do you call someone with no arms, one leg,and an eye patch? names

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What do you call a handsome nerd? The name that is on his birth certificate.

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Why did the sloth cross the road To fuck your gay cousin

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What is orange and smells like oranges? Oranges.

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What did the mother say to her son when she saw his report card? I don't know. I wasn't there.

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So once upon a midnight dreery.... In a galaxy far far away that takes place in the past but resembles a technologically advanced future, an evil sith overlord took an innocent Jedi knight and turned him in a cybernetic killing machine. In the end, he dies

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What did the Frenchman say to the Englishman? I don't know, I don't speak French.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What's sadder than a lost puppy? A dead puppy.

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bologna

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Knock Knock Who's there? The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident, you're entire family is dead.

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Q:Why did the boy drop his ice-cream? A: Because he got hit by a bus.

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why was the teenage girl crying? She was molested as a child

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I saw a stray dog the other day So I petted it and got on my way.

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Bryson got a concussion...he died

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How do you call a guy that ran over 10 children A bad driver

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Roses are gray, Violets are gray, I'm colorblind, I hate my life

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Q: Were did the balls go? A: In the sack.

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What does an orange and a lemon have in common? They are both orange, exept lemon

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how to you mess with helen keller? Re-arrange her furniture

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What did the Ethiopian get for Christmas? Nothing.

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Why did the bear turn red? Because I fucking stabbed it!

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Whats the difference between a black man and a white man? Their skin color

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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