whats the best thing about life? whatever the best thing about life happens to be!

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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What is a black man's favorite food? It differs from person to person.

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What did the orange say to the lemon? We are both alike but a differnt color

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Roses Are Red Violets Are Blue If Beauty Exits ... The Heck Are You?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he saw some pandas spooning.

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Hey I just met you, And this is crazy But I just kissed you... And I have rabies!

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An slutty attractive secretary went into her boss' office He killed her.

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If a llama walks into a jewelry store and a carrot has no feathers, then why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. It got hit by a car because chickens are simple creatures and don't understand the complex rules of the road.

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What do Whitney Houston and MTV have in common? They both REALLY died in the 90's.

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What's tiny and smells like a big banana? A tiny banana

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roses are red, violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, which is a serious mental disorder in which I have difficulty properly experiencing reality. It should not be confused with multiple personality disorder, which is a completely different disease with different symptoms.

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What did the lady say after she returned home from the grocery store? "Oh no! I forgot the milk!"

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yo mama is so fat she has more rolls than basken robins does flavors

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Q: What did Peter say after a long day of work when he got home? A: Nothing, in fact he has job, home, family, or anyone to help him. His leg is pinned down by a large piece of metal that fell on him while looking for food to eat at a construction site, expect him to die of bleeding in the next 24 hours.

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Roses are Blue Violets are red, I need to go the the bathroom

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Knock knock. Who's there?

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What is worst than your girlfriend's mother?? Osama Bin Laden's One

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What does the alien say to the man? Nothing, because it is highly unlikely that an alien would ever land on Earth, and even more unlikely that they would speak the same language of us. On top of that, aliens would not know anything about our species, and would probably hide from us due to being frightened and eventually flee back to their home planet where we would never see them again because our techonology is not advanced enough and the chances that we would find their planet which is somewhere among the billions of planets in the universe, are slim.

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What do you call a guy with no legs and no arms? Mat.

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What do you call a black man doing his taxes? A well respected member of society

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your mom is so fat, she uses nutrisystem and other weight-loss systems to try to loose weight.

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Which does does the Mississippi River flow in? Liquid.

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what did the man say to his wife? I love you

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops