Ants are the Velociraptors of the insect world.

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Why was the man sad? His wife left

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What did the boy say to the girl seductively eating a banana? A: bananas are my favorite fruit

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Q. What did the chinease man say when he got flattened by a plane? A. Nothing, he died instantly.

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What sound does a dead cat make? Nothing, it's dead.

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What's the difference between a duck?

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You read this in school as the kid sitting next to you stares at his computer screen.

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What do you call a person who is deaf. It doesn't matter, they wont be able to hear it when you call them.

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3 men walk into a bar, and the fourth guy behind them had the sense to duck under it.

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Why did the squirrel cross the road? it was stapled to the chicken

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An Asian person drove home safely.

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A german police officer sees a Rabbi. Nothing happens, it's 2011

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what's the easiest way to tell time? a clock

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A blind man walks into a bar, and a table, and a chair.

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Why couldn't the bunny hop? Because it lost both it's legs

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What did the autistic man say to the woman? I have autism

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whats worse than 10 babies in a blender 1 baby in 10 blenders

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What do you get when you cross a rock and a paper bag? A rock inside of a paper bag.

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How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Attack her with a sanding machine.

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How do you get santa to stop delivering presents? Kill your parents.

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Nero, seriously, one way or the other, ill kill you, my mom blushes like every time people talk to her so fuck you, my sister if you touch her, ill.... Man, stop and ill forgive you, and I am very very sorry, now stop sending me those pics, and please do not post them anywhere, Line would not want to.

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One time, I called the police, but it was actually a fire. So my neighbors died.

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When will Abe Vigoda be alive again? Never. There will never again be a time when Abe Vigoda will be alive. For example, Abe Vigoda will be dead for the entirety of the year 2038. He will continue to be dead if we move forward to the year 2091, and even if we keep jumping forward throughout history, stopping in the years 2250, 2871, and 3546, we will not land in an era when Abe Vigoda will be alive. Another way to look at this is to imagine Abe Vigoda had died in earlier years. Let's say he had died in 1902. Would he be alive today? The answer, sadly, is no. We get the same answer if we suppose Abe Vigoda had died in 1822, 1715, or ~ 85,200,000 BPE. To sum up, it is not precisely accurate to say that Abe Vigoda will be dead for a very long time. That implies a limit on the amount of time he will be dead. There is no limit.

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How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Assuming the fact that these children are in fact deceased, it would be highly inprobable that they could perform any task. Or that they would need to see any light at all, since the point of that dark room is to keep them concealed.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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