what's grosser then 1000 babies stapled to a tree?? 1 baby stapled to 1000 trees

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, your wife and kids die.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What's the difference between a hundred dead babies and a porsche? A porsche is a car.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A: What is faster than a speeding bullet? B: Light

thumb_up thumb_down +24

How do you make a lumberjack cry? By murdering his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why did Mary fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock, knock? Who's there? Not Mary.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

kennah campion... being nice

thumb_up thumb_down +24

How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two but I don't know how they got in there.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Q)Why doesn't the blond have a job? A) he is 12

thumb_up thumb_down +22

How do you confuse a blonde? take the albuterol

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What is more difficult than trying to get blood from a stone? Trying to teach it Japanese in the process. [L]

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, you racist.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What happened when the little girl said Bloody Mary 3 times in the dark? - She got her head smashed in the mirror, all of her intestines were neatly ripped out and was stabbed to death with No.2 mechanical pencils. Then her parents came home from dinner to find their daughter brutally killed in her own room. They notified police, opened a case and gave up after 12 years of searching for her killer. Both parents cried for the amount of years their daughter had been gone and they both decided to kill each other. The father raped the mom while slitting the back of her neck that led to her head being detached. Then the father left his pick up truck running and through his head toward the engine, which didn't really work. So he went back inside and watched Three and A Half Men.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

did you know towels can cause dry skin?

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Yo mamma's so stupid, she couldn't get a high paying job and had to settle for working full time at McDonalds, just to get your family through the week.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

How many pollacks does it take to screw in a lightbuld? Likely the same number as is required when people of non-polish descent screw in lightbulds. Overall however it is variable based on the number or bulbs, position of bulbs in relation to ceiling, potential shakiness of required ladder, and desired efficiency. Please reference GE's lightbuld home instillation handbook for further information or alternately contact your local electrician or handy neighbor.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did I lose a card game to a cat? Cause he was a cheetah!

thumb_up thumb_down +22

See now, that is because you consider yourself my submissive on a both concious and subconcious level, your body and mind wants me to take care of you. I could say it is because I read minds, but why read minds, when I can create them, why read the future, when you can create it. Finally, lets take a look into the word, nerve endings yes? Not nerve endings baby, its called Suggestion. But seriously though, lets put the word nerve endings on top of the word suggestions again there. Nerve endings, did I mention it works on your butt too? You see, usually you would say no, but you do know that now that I am your master, you do and enjoy as I say? See you baby. Moral: "Feel the grove, I control the way you move"

thumb_up thumb_down +22

what do you call an octopus with 9 tentacles? a male octopus

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Sarah Palin

thumb_up thumb_down +22

anti-joke.ru - russian style

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Roses are red Violets are blue Everyone on antijoke that steals what I write go to hell My toaster has down syndrom.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

How do you get 100 midgets into a mini? You have to manufacture a mini big enough to accommodate 100 midgets. It won't be street legal, but at least your problem with fitting the midgets in the mini is solved.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops