A man walked into a bar. He was meeting his friends but was 30 minutes early so he went down the road to buy some food. He had recently began dieting after watching a series of lifestyle programs which informed him of the potential risks involved with high cholesterol and blood pressure levels. He purchased a garden salad and a freshly squeezed orange juice, and made it back to the bar in time to meet his friends.

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Joesph Triphook.

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How do you get santa to stop delivering presents? Kill your parents.

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what does a deer and grass have in common? they are both green but i lied about the deer

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How did the black man start his car? He turned on the emission and lightly leaned his foot on either the accelerator or reverse pedal, depending on the position of the car.

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So, two people park their car and walk into a bar. Wait, no. They were walking into a grocery store and they were riding skateboards, not a car. Then, the kid walks in after them. Oh, did I forget to mention they had children? And also, they're married. So anyway, they walk into this grocery store, and meet a barkeep. Wait no that's ridiculous why would a barkeep be in a grocery store. Let me start over. Bah.. never mind. I forgot what happened next, but it was REALLY FUNNY!

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Your mom is so fat that she actually had a pretty hard time finding a husband.

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If 2 trains are going 60 mph, their going in opposite directions towards each other, they are slowing down 1 mile per hour per 10 miles and they are 100 miles away, would you rather have Coke or Pepsi?

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A man walks into a bar a bartender says, 'why the long face'? the man says 'I just walked into a bar'!!!

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Q: What's the biggest lie ever? A: Saying you read the Terms of Service

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What starts with P and ends with "oop" POOP

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What's the difference between a dead black man in the road, and a dead dog in the road? One is a human being that probably leaves behind family and friends that will miss his absence. The other is an animal that will also be missed, but to a lesser degree since dogs don't form a bond with people other than the family it shared its life with. In either of the two cases, if I witnessed the accident that caused the death, I would promptly notify the authorities so as to make sure that the driver of the vehicle that hit them would be subjected to a breathalyzer test.

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Roses are red, Violets are red, Trees are red, Bushes are red, Oh shit, my garden is on fire

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Three mexicans walk into a bathroom they all had to go pee.

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what do you call a man with no arms no legs cancer and down syndrome? you call him stephen because his name is stephen

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why did the boy fly away because his mum shot him out of a cannon

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The past, the present and the future walk into a bar. It was tense.

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Why did the football player walk so funny? He went to Penn State!

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What's black, white and red all over? Half a penguin.

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Why did the young boy drop his bus. He was hit by an ice cream.

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courestaveesh garasow prau varadesh

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What did the Irish nun say on her deathbed? "I now realize that smoking was an unhealthy habit and I regret that I made the choice to do so." Then she died

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why did jim die? he had cancer why did jim have no hair? it started to fall out when he was 20 and now he is bald at 30 years old

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Why did the chicken cross the road? -I do not believe chickens like being questioned of their motives. We should leave them alone.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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