A priest and rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender was incredibly biased towards religion and had the rabbi removed.

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*Pretend your an orphan] Knock knock Who's there? Not your parents.

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What did the homeless man get for christmas eve? Hypothermia. What did the children get for christmas day? A traumatic experience when they tripped over his snow-covered corpse.

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What's worse than stabbing your eye with a fork? Stabbing both your eyes with a fork.

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knock, knock who's there you yoohoo i don't like chocolate milk!

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If you watch the titanic backwards, its really about a magical ship which saves peoples lives!

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? One is a human being belonging to a particular religious minority and the other is a delicious Italian food favoured by English speaking western cultures. The problem with this anti-joke is that the facts are not correct, pizza was originally invented and China; however,it looked quite different then what might be considered pizza by our standards, when pizza was brought to Italy it was improved to make what we now consider pizza in modern times. While some people may consider pizza an Italian food, this would be failing to give credit to the Chinese who invented it.

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A thought for the day: Life is like a game of chess. In the constant struggle for power, control and safe positions it makes no difference whether one plays white or black. As long as everything is planned and one stays a few moves ahead, everything will work out. Just don't annoy the queen, or she may send some very irate knights to fork you or a bishop to flank you. [L]

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What do you call a person who drinks beer a lot? Alcohol abuser.

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Why did the young Mexican apply for a job at McDonalds? The economy is down and his family could use the extra money.

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What did the boy with no legs get for Christmas? A nice sweater.

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A man walks into a pole He breaks his nose And bleeds to death

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-how many potatoes are in a sack -5

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What happened to the man who poo'd too much? He started to eat less because his bowell movements started to cause him serious pain.

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What did the walrus say to the Penguin. It said MAHHRGH. because walruses can't really talk

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If woman that have big breasts work at Hooters, then do woman with one leg work at Ihop?

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Boys have swag, real men have class

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Why did the chicken cross the road Who the f*** let out the chicken

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Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor ? A: The holocaust

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Where do the biggest potatoes grow? the ground.

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Q: What do you call Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. A: two things: Their names, and a doctor because they are both in need of a nutritionist.

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As they went down the hill Jack tripped on a rock, falling breaking many bones including his neck. In all the hysteria, Jill fell too, however she landed on a rock and now has severe dementia. This was all for a pail of water.

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A bear walks into a bar, and says "I'd like a gin... and tonic." The bartender says "AAAAHHH! A BEAR!!!" and calls animal control. Later after the beast has been tranquilized and carted away, he rationalizes having heard the bear speak as trauma-induced hallucination.

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Why did the Chicken cross the road? Because, the Farmer had treated the Chicken and the rest of his family with great distaste, thus angering the Chicken to the point of rebellion against the Farmer with hopes of inspiring the other abused farm animals to act likewise.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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