I woke up today

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What's clear and wet?? Water (I think)

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What is an offensive term to refer to black people who lived in the time of the Flintstones? n*ggers

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Why did the student have a staring contest with his teacher? Well, the teacher was actually unaware of the competition.

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What do you call a man with no legs, and one arm? Whatever his name happens to be.

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Did you hear about the 2 pretzels walking down the street? It's not true, pretzels are not capable of autonomous movement.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was high.

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What did the monk give to the cancer patient? His love and reassurance.

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There's a mexican and african american in a car. Who's driving? A cop.

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Why did the old man fall down the stairs? Because he was on his wheelchair.

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Why did the Michael lose the race? Because he had no legs.

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Yo momma so fat, she's in the hospital dying of morbid obesity. Sorry man.

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What do you call a black pilot? A pilot you racist!

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How many jews does it take to change a light bulb? Well none today because today is Saturday... maybe tomorrow

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You arrive in the middle east. What is the first thing that you want to do? Leave

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Which does does the Mississippi River flow in? Liquid.

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? A. Treadmil

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A man walks into a bar. He goes up to the Bar Tender and says, "Hit me with all you got!" The bar tender then ducks down under the bar out of sight. He comes back up with a sledge hammer and viciously murders the man. Blood spews everywhere and many others are brutally murdered shortly afterwards. :)

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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So this man is walking down the street. Just walking. Nothing wrong. Suddenly a giant whirlpool appears in the street. The man is sucked in and the whirlpool disappears. Everything's fine right? Right? Yeah, he wanted to die. So every things okay? NOPE. He left the oven on.

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What is the different between going to church and reading a newspaper? You can take your shoes off when you read a newspaper.

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Yeah sure, you have "absolutely... ...No... ...Reason..." to... Fucking... use... This... place... at... all... But you seem to be here all the fucking time, what fucking sense does that make? That is not the matter at all fagface! Your fucking goons assaulting me because "I stole one of your aliases?" I was born Nero and will die fucking Nero, not Nerometal, not Nero of Neronism, just Nero your friendly rapist! Yeah Ill give you my fucking social info, so you... and... your... excessive... use... of... this shit... can... send... your ...fucking assholes to finish the job! Listen bitch! I am a writer! And your faggots stabbed off like half of my eyeball! I don't give a damn about this site, I want your fucking assholes to stop seeking me out in person! Hell, give me your social info, so we can "make a fucking settlement" Where I break off your head and shit down your neck!

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Simon says.. Nothing because he is deaf, so therefor he would have to sign it to you.

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A white man on his way to happens to sit next to a black man the following conversation involves a democrat and a repuplican arguing about obama's current presidentcy and the wallstreet journal the two do not agree on both sujects and part ways...the white man is later brutally murdered in his own house infront of white and children in an unrelated incident. We should all help to stop violence in our local nieghborhoods.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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