A grasshopper hops into a bar and orders a drink. "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" exclaims the bartender. "You have a Melanoplus Differentialis?" asks the grasshopper. "Yes."

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead.

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A lawyer gets admitted to a bar.

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Whats worse than getting punched in the balls? Getting punched in the balls twice.

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Why is Cindy crying? She got a branch stuck in her eye which irritated her sensitive cornea so her tear duct produced a tear to help shed the material from her eye.

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Hey I just met you And this is crazy But I didn't use protection So here's your baby

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No, we are all different, none of us are the same, you however, have no match, your ability to think influence and inspire even today, is unmatched. It is he who is unmatched, who stands alone.

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whats the difference between my mom and your mom nothing they are both sluts

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? The victim of a freak genetic mutation and extremely susceptible to predators, meaning it will live a short life in the wilderness.

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Q: Why did the lady retire? A: Because she had been working for numerous years and felt that she needed to spend more time with her family.

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Why didn't the woman cook dinner for her husband? She had to work late.

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There were 3 guys named Sean, Ryan, and Eye. They were best friends. However, things escalated when Eye slept with Sean's girlfriend and Ryan found out. Ryan felt he had to tell Sean that Eye slept with Sean's girlfriend. Ryan went up to Sean and said "Dude, Eye slept with your girlfriend!" Then Sean shot Ryan in the head before Ryan realized what he had said. Game Over

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How do you kill a blonde? Shoot her.

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Why was Rodney afraid of Chung Lee? Because Chung Lee is an intimidating person, capable of literally ripping your face off.

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What do you call a group that has a microphone, a bass, two guitars and a drum kit? A Band

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What do you call a seagull that flew into the bay? Wet.

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Why did Alex die? He choked on a semi truck

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Why did the Asian Cross the road? Because the crossing signal went green!

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Your momma's so fat: She feels excluded by mainstream clothing outlets.

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I Have a Black Friend

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Why did the boy fall out of the tree? He died

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Whats as flat as a pancake and alive Ya nan being flattened by a truck on the motorway

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What happenes if you put an elephant in the fridge? Nothing, it wouldnt fit.

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Q: How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, they are too weak to climb the ladder.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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