why did the man throw his clock out of he window? he was mentally insane.

Why was the comedian so funny? Because that's his job, and if he wasn't funny he would have to become a hobo.

What is funnier than one dead baby? Two dead Babies

knock knock. whos there? the IRS you have recently filed for bankruptcy and we are repossessing your house.

So a man walks into a bar and he says "Can i have two beers?" The bartender says "Sure, Budweiser or Heineken?" The man responds "Uhmm... which one do you prefer?" The bartender says "Heineken."

what is red, black, and blue all over? A horribly painted room.

Hellen Keller walks into a bar. Well, at least she thinks she did.

why did the chicken cross the road? because he was very hungrey and saw some seed on the other side.

Dumb

what do you call a guy called Bill? Bill

why is king kong so fat? because he eats to mucj

why did the boy drop his ice cream cone? he got hit by a bus why was the little girl happy? because she found an icecream cone

An owl and a squirrel watch a farmer walk by. The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing because owls are not capable of human speech. The owl then eats the squirrel because the owl is a bird of prey.

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, most chickens are held on farms, but those that do roam free are afraid of automobiles so therefore they wouldn't go near a road at all. But if the chicken was located in a deserted town there would be no traffic, so then it would be able to cross freely over any road there and not get injured or mortally wounded.

What do u call a banana? A banana......

Q: What were Peter's emotions after he bought his $2 million house? A: None, in fact he has no home, family and anyone to help him. his leg is pinned down by a large piece of metal that fell on him while looking for food to eat at a construction site, expect him to die of bleeding in the next 24 hours.

What did Valerie get for her birthday? Nothing. Because no one loves her

How did the polack burn his hands on the stove? He placed his hands on the hot stove top burners not realizing they were hot.

What's similar about a mole and an eagle? They both are blind and dig through the ground. Except the eagle.

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What do you get when you cross drugs with a bathtub? Whitney Houston's worst nightmare

There are two kinds of people in this world: those that finish their sentences

What did the tree say to the other tree?....nothing cause trees can't talk!

"Knock Knock" "Whos there?" "Interrupting kid with ADHD" *I did not respond, as I knew he would interrupt me before I was able to finish the sentence.*