A policeman walks into a pretzel shop. He sees two freshly baked pretzels. One was a salted.

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why is the man laughing. he isn't, he's just been informed he has testicular cancer.

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What did jesus REALLY say while walking on water? "I really hope I find a nice patch of sand to swim in."

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how do you kill Lady Gaga? with a gun.

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So three nazis walk into a B.A.R

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In my eyes Nero, you are much like a philosopher, the kind which are mocked while they live, and then a couple thousands years later, are recognized as the most intelligent beings of their time.

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In 1284, while the town of Hamelin was suffering from a rat infestation, a man dressed in pied clothing appeared, claiming to be a rat-catcher. He loyally promised the townsmen a solution for their problem with the rats. The townsmen in appreciation and glad to get rid of the infestation promised to pay him for the removal of the rats, they were looking forward to being left in peace. The man pleased with their decision accepted, and played a mystical musical pipe to lure the rats with a joyous song into the Weser River, where all but one drowned. Despite his renowned success, the people reneged on their promise and refused to pay the rat-catcher the full amount of money. The man left the town angry and upset the people had betrayed his kindness, he did however vow to return some time later, seeking revenge. On Saint John and Paul's day while the inhabitants were happily sat in church, he played his pipe yet again, dressed in green, like a hunter, this time attracting the young and joyful children of Hamelin. One hundred and thirty boys and girls followed him out of the town, skipping in song as they went, where they were lured into a cave. The events that followed are now known as the 1284 mass child massacrer, in which all 130 children were raped and savagely tortured and killed one by one, each viscously taped and recorded for the pipe pipers satisfaction, where a copy of each tape was sent to their corresponding parents, this was before their bodies turned up dangling from a tree and the bottom of the village, all 130 of them unrecognisable from decomposition and mutilation the pipe piper had inflicted.

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A blonde girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she says. "Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear. "I said 'I'LL BE BACK TOMORROW AFTERNOON TO PICK UP MY DRESS'," says the girl, this time louder.

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What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? were lawyers

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What did little Susie give to young Billy on Christmas? Genital Herpes.

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Q: whats white and smells like shit A: my ass

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Why couldn't the little girl color in her coloring book? Her arms were amputated.

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Whats blue and white and red all over? The American flag

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Thank you Jesus, for this wonderful meal we have tonight. De nada.

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What do you call a man who has a camera? a cameraman

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This joke is not funny, So don't read it.

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Oh you expected a funny joke? Oh well

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What did the turtle say to the hare? Nothing. Animals can't speak.

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whats got two legs and cant walk a paraplegic

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How do you kill Chuck Norris. Shoot him in the face

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who holds the world record for longest amount of time on fire? Jim Rome

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Knock knock. Who's there? The police. You wife was killed in an accident.

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Why is Satan evil? Because he makes people eat apples.

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This Anti-Joke Is Loading Plese Wait . . .

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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