Knock Knock. Who'se there? It's Dave. Dave who? Um, you invited me over here. Open the damn door.

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If life gives you lemons, keep them because hey, free lemons

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What did the president do for the people? ...

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Why did the frog cross the road? Because it was stapled to the chicken.

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Q: What's the worst part of 3 Mexicans dying in a car accident? A: They were my friends.

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Q: Why is eminem such a good rapper? A: well if you want to know its becuase he had a bad childhood experience and and needed some money so he put hard work and dedication into rapping.

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What kind of shots I'd John take at night? Insulin, because he's a diabetic.

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So 3 Jews walk into a bar, I lied, it was a gas chamber.

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A man was running from drug dealers When they had him cornered he ran towards the sun and died

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Q: what the apple say to the orange? A: nothing because there fruits and fruits cant talk

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Why was the teen boy shirtless? He was mauled by tigers.

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I am pleased and honored to hear you speak that beautifully straight from your heart Nero, you are without equal, unmatched. And he who is unmatched, also stands alone.

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"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Not Sally."

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A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. His family is struggling financially and his children are severely malnourished. If he wasn't an alcoholic, he could afford healthcare for his family and move into a better neighborhood. But he's not, so they will die a long, painful death.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It died. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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Q: WHY DID GOD MAKE ASIANS? A: NO FREIKEN IDEA

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I have sexdaily. I mean dyslexic. Fcuk!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It heard you like to choke the chicken.

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Why did the little kid fall down? He was pushed

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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Why didn't the man walk up the stairs? He had an acorn stairlift.

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what is more funny than watching a baby fly in a circle at 100 mph stopping it with a shovel

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what did the cow say to the chicken Hey im ralston tyler

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Get in the car. -Tag

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops