Dave: My wife just gave birth! The baby is doing good. John: You mean doing well?

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My children are huge mistakes.

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If life throws you melons you might be dyslexic, but you also might not be.

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What did the doctor say to the camel with no hump? You're a horse.

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What did the cow say to the chicken? Moo.

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How do you put an elephant in a refridgerator? Go to your local zoo with a shotgun, shoot to kill, load elephant in Uhaul, drive home, remove elephant from Uhaul, sharpen your ax, put on mask to pevent excessive blood on face, begin to chop elephant into small chunks, put the chunks into ziplock bags, call a friend to help you move bags into refridgerator, and move bags into refridgerator. Once all the bags are in the refridgerator, dismiss your friend, get in car, and drive to mexico because killing an elephant is not legal and the police will be there soon. Now as for the giraffe...

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Why did John go outside? His house was on fire.

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you know whats not funny? the Holocaust

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf a bread

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Why was the black man hand cuffed by a woman cop? Because they are a married couple who feel like role play will help spark their sex life again.

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How do you stop a baby from crying? Throw it off the top of the Empire State Building.

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Bill: Hey Bob guess what? Bob:What? Bill: your adopted

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An Englishman, an American, and an Australian walk into a bar. They speak English to each other.

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Did you hear about the Polish Helicopter crash? The pilot and three passengers died.

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You know whats worse than getting punched in the face? Getting kicked in the balls.

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Why did Sally Drop here ice cream? She was hit by a bus. Knock Knock? *who's there* Not Sally.

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"Why did the chicken cross the road" "why" "to get to the gay guys house" "knock-knock" "who's there?" "The chicken..."

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Batman, Superman, Spiderman and Wonder Woman walk into a bar. The bartender decides to ruin the joke by saying nothing.

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Why did the bird fall down? It got shot.

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What did the Pope say to the little boy? Look both ways before crossing the street

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What do a platypus and Obama have in common? A brain, except for Obama.

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Two men walk into a bar, they weren't looking where they were going.

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How many fingers does Charlie Sheen have? 8. and 2 thumbs. just like most everybody else.

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What's one thing good about cancer? (make them guess) Nothing you fricking prick!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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