- Anti Joke

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm allergic to both Now I'm dead

A long time ago there was a kid named John. It was John's first day of first grade. His teacher, Mrs. Jones, gave his class one homework assignment: Write down a word you've never heard before and tell me tomorrow. On the way home from school, John sees some kids playing basketball. The tallest kid shoots and misses and says "Purplefarkle!" When he gets home, John writes it down. The next day at school, Mrs. Jones asks the class to write their words down on the board. She asks John what word he found and he says "Purplefarkle." She slaps him across the face and sends him to Principal Zuckerman's office. When he gets to Principal Zuckerman's office, she asks him, "Why are you here?" John says, "Mrs. Jones gave us an assignment to write down a word we've never heard before, but when I told her, she slapped me across the face and sent me here!" She says, "Oh my! What word was it?" John says, "Purplefarkle." She looks angry, and slaps him across the face and expels him from school. When John gets home, his mom is surprised to see him back already. She says, "John, what are you doing at home? School isn't over for two more hours!" John says, "Well, Mrs. Jones gave us an assignment to write a word we've never heard before and tell it to her, but when I did, she slapped me across the face and sent me to Principal Zuckerman's office, and when I told her, she slapped me across the face and expelled me from school, and I don't know what this word means, I swear!" John's mom said, "I'll call the school, but first, tell me what word it was." John says, "Purplefarkle," and his mom slaps him across the face and says, "Go to your room! Just wait until your father gets home!" John goes to his room and waits for his dad to get home. When he does, he goes up to John's room and says, "John, your mother is hysterical, and she won't tell me what you've done. Could you explain what you've done?" John says, "Well, Mrs. Jones gave us an assignment to write a word we've never heard before and tell it to her, but when I did, she slapped me across the face and sent me to Principal Zuckerman's office, and when I told her, she slapped me across the face and expelled me from school, and when I told mom, she slapped me across the face and sent me to my room, and I still don't know what this word means, I swear!" His dad looks very serious, and asks him, "What was the word, John?" John says, "Purplefarkle." He slaps John and kicks him out of the house. John wanders around in the streets for a few hours, until it gets dark. Soon, a policeman stops him and says, "Son, what are you doing out here all alone, it's the middle of the night, shouldn't you be at home?" John says, "Well, my teacher Mrs. Jones gave us an assignment to write a word we've never heard before and tell it to her, but when I did, she slapped me across the face and sent me to Principal Zuckerman's office, and when I told her, she slapped me across the face and expelled me from school, and when I told mom, she slapped me across the face and sent me to my room, and when my dad got home, he slapped me across the face and kicked me out of my family, and I still don't know what this word means, I swear!" The policeman says to John, "Woah son, this is serious. I'll go talk to your parents about this, but first you have to tell me what the word was. "Purplefarkle." The policeman looks alarmed, grabs John, slaps him across the face, throws him onto the hood of the squad car, handcuffs him, and throws him into the back seat. The next day, John is in court. The judge is surprised to see a six year-old boy standing in front of him. He asks, "Little boy, is this a joke? What are you doing here?" John looks at him and says, "Well, my teacher Mrs. Jones gave us an assignment to write a word we've never heard before and tell it to her, but when I did, she slapped me across the face and sent me to Principal Zuckerman's office, and when I told her, she slapped me across the face and expelled me from school, and when I told mom, she slapped me across the face and sent me to my room, and when my dad got home, he slapped me across the face and kicked me out of my family, and when I told the policeman, he slapped me across the face and arrested me, and I still don't know what this word means, I swear!" Again, the judge was surprised at how much had happened to the boy in just a couple of days. He asked, "Could you tell me what the word was?" John said, "Purplefarkle." The judge leaped over his desk, and slapped John across the face, and sentenced him to 30 years in prison. ... 30 years later, John is finally let out of prison. He is sitting on a park bench, feeding the birds and squirrels, and feeling sad because he has no money, no home, no family, no car, and less than a first grade education. An old woman walks by and says to John, "You look so sad, is something wrong?" John takes a deep breath and says, "Well, my teacher Mrs. Jones gave us an assignment to write a word we've never heard before and tell it to her, but when I did, she slapped me across the face and sent me to Principal Zuckerman's office, and when I told her, she slapped me across the face and expelled me from school, and when I told mom, she slapped me across the face and sent me to my room, and when my dad got home, he slapped me across the face and kicked me out of my family, and when I told the policeman, he slapped me across the face and arrested me, and when I told the judge in court, he slapped me across the face and sentenced me to 30 years in prison, and now I have no money, no home, no family, no car, and less than a first grade education." The old woman says, "How dreadful! Would you tell me the word?" And John says, "Purplefarkle," and immediately cringes. "What," the woman says, "Did you think I was going to slap you? That word was very controversial 30 years ago. I could tell you anything you want about it, but I'm late for my hair appointment. Tell you what, meet me over there at the café across the street in one hour and I'll tell you anything you want to know." For the first time in 30 years, John is happy. He knows he's about to find out what the word that ruined his life means. All he can do is smile while he waits. After one hour, he starts to walk over to the café. While he's crossing the street he is hit by a bus and dies on impact. The moral of the story is: Always look both ways before crossing the street.

What's worse than finding your cat dead? Finding your cat dead because it choked on your goldfish.

What do you call a person who walks but doesn't run? A power walker What do you call a person who runs but doesn't walk? Someone running to the nearest bathroom holding there crotch.

I told my friend one of these anti-jokes, he took it seriously and beat my head with a bat.

Q: How do you get a giraffe into a refrigerator? A: You open the door put the giraffe in and the close the door. Q: How do you get an elephant into a refrigerator? A: You open the door to the refrigerator take the giraffe out then put the elephant in and close the door. Q: The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend but one, which one is it? A: The elephant it's in the fridge Q: You have to cross a river that is inhabited by crocodiles how do you cross it? A: You swim across, the crocodiles are at the animal conference.

Q: Why was the math book sad? A: Because he recently found out that his parents died in a tragic car accident.

What did the prostitute say to the pimp? Can I have $50? She was found three minutes later beaten to death with a purple cane, and had many imprssions of rings in her skull

why did the plant eat a banana? it was hungry

one day a hippy and a nun wer on a bus, the hippy asks, Will you have sex with me? the none replies, heck no im a nun. the nun gets off the bus and the hippy follows. the bus driver stops him and says, i know how you can have sex with her, she goes to the cemitary at 9:00 every night, dress us as jesus and command her to have sex with you. okay thanks! the hippy says. that night the hippy dress's up as jesus finds the nun and says " i am jesus and i command you to have sex with me. The nun says okay but only anal because im a nun! and they get to it, when there done the hippy takes off his mask and says haha im the hippy, the nun takes off her mask and says haha im the bus driver!! like if you get it :)

A duct walks into a bar. The writer meant to write duck and then proceed to make a clever joke but instead a typo was made and a very unlikely occurence was writtern about considering air passages are not capable of walking and would most likely already be in the ceiling of the bar as too bring fresh air into the bar is important.

So a guy is on his way to work and he nearly gets hit by a bus. He sticks his middle finger up at the bus driver but a couple seconds later he realized that it was the same bus he was supposed to get on so he apologized to the bus driver and got on the bus. He was 15 minutes late for the 420th time this week so he was fired from his job and went back home. On his way home he was not allowed on the bus because he left his oyster card somewhere so he had to walk home. 69 minutes later he arrives home to his wife and kids. What did the man say to his wife when he got back home? "Hi."

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. Due to the height of the fall, one of his ribs pierced his heart and he also suffered extensive head trauma and internal bleeding due to the force when he hit the floor, where he lay in agony for several hours before dying a slow, painful death.

What do you say to a rock? Meow

There's a white guy and a black guy, on a bridge. Of corse the idiot white guy jumps off. But the black guy yells, I NEVER LIKED U!!!!! Later that day the police showed up and asked wat happened. The black guy said, U GOT NO EVIDENCE!!! The police say true and walk away. Then go to Dunkin Donuts and get a triple chocolate donnut and coffee. They lived happily ever after. Except for the white guy. :)

What did the blind man say when you asked hi his favorite color? Nothing he is death too

So two men were drinking beer and one asks "Why are you so sad today, Lenny?" The other man replies "Because I was just diagnosed leukemia." Four days later Lenny dies and his body was buried at Cherryhill Cemetery where his family mourned over his death.

Thank you Nero, this might not sound apropiate at all, but I am in love with you and have always been, and just want you to know that what I love the most about you is your spirit, your kindness, and sincerely, how you make me feel safe, I think its that you are dead honest to the point where you insult people asking for your opinion, I never had to question what you really mean or want, you just say it out loud, I love you, I realize it must be strange hearing that from someone you see as a daughter, I remember my father too well to consider you one, but I guess I always considered you a hot big brother of sorts. You are 32 huh? You always knew did you not? Why that secret of all things? Ill be arriving as soon as those trained killers of yours show by, and man are they fast and loyal, only you could inspire that love. I know your name is Nero, but I would not mind calling you Axel or at least knight, that's what you have always been for me.

That is a bad anti-joke down there | V

once there was an anti-joke. it wasn't well thought out or even very creative. what happened to the anti-joke's premise? it got undermined or reversed in the punchline. but the punchline was way too straightforward. so, the whole joke really ended up sucking.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumbty took a great fall Because he was terribly intoxicated And failed to probably balance himself.

So a guy walks up to a gay guy and says: "You are a fag." The gay guy says: "That is very offensive, you jerk." So the guy says: "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know what it meant" and the gay guy says: "I accept your apology." Then the gay guy crosses the street and gets hit by a bus

There was once a family of termites. There was a Papa termite, a Mama termite, and a baby termite, called Motor. One day they reached a big fat log, and they decided they'd bore through. So first went Papa. Bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore...then out came Papa! Next came Mama. Bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore...then out came Mama! Last came Motor. Bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore bore...then out bored Motor!

What did the man say when he was stabbed on the street? Nothing, because he died.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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