What time will the little girl get up for school? Never, she died in her sleep.

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knock knock whos there banana banana who knock knock whos there orange orange who orange you glad I didn't say banana

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Q: What would have been the easiest way to stop the second world war without killing anyone? A: Paid Hitler for his art.

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roses are read, violets are blue. i have alzheimers and Jill came tumbling down.

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Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Gary.

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how did the man with the gun die? obesity

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Roses are red Violets are blue Refrigerators are whitWhen falling from trees, they kill you

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roses are red hula is hula when i walk in cass i see a big tula

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Do you want to hear some bad news? My wife just died Do you want to hear some good news? I'm single

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I got a new jacket. The jacket had real cotton inside the sleeves. The next day my new jacket was gone, but the one i bought yesterday wasn't.

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What's worse than finding a worm in the apple you're eating? Many things could be worse than that, from the less severe e.g. Finding half a worm in the apple you're eating to the more severe, such as the total collapse of civilization.

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Q: why can't women drive? A: because there is no road between the kitchen and the bedroom

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What can fly, but is always under you? A flying worm.

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Q: Why does the chicken cross the road? A: To get hit by a redneck.

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Why did little Susie Fall in the well? She had downs.

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Two men are walking down the street. They both don't make eye contact and continue walking.

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An irish man stumbles out of a bar.

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Why did the man get in a car accident? Because he was blind.

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Why was Mary mucky? Because she was dragged to a field and raped

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How many sumo wrestlers does it take to lift a huge rock? The point of lifting a rock just to lift a rock is stupid, so why would you get 3 sumo wrestlers to come out and waste their time.

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A sad horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "why the long face?" the horse answers "My wife was just diagnosed with terminal cancer."

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What do u say to someone u don't like? I thought I'd let u no tht I don't like u...

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A man is driving the speed limit of 55 on the highway. He gets pulled over and the cop says, "Do you know how fast you were going sir?" The man replies "Well yes I was going 55, the speed limit." The cop says, "No you were going 80." The speedometers broken.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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