What did the kid with no arms and no legs get for his birthday? A basketball.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Two fish walked into a bar. They died. Because fish can't breathe out of water.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did the chicken do? He crossed the road.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Roses are red grass is green get on th bed and I'll fill you wilpth my cream ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why was the little boy sad? Because he had a frog stapled to his face.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What's your star sign? Cancer. Oh you're gonna die. AWKWARD.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

boling water: why is it taking so long for you to get hard? egg: sorry, it's just because i recently got laid by a chick.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Jack and Jill went up the hill, to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown, and Jill came tumbling after. Up Jack got, and home did trot, as fast as he could caper, to old Dame Dob, who proceeded to get Jill convicted of attempted murder, as well as several millions of dollars for pain and suffering.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How did a monkey fall out of a tree? He slipped on a banana.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What do Jerry Sandusky and Michael Jackson have in common? They both had sex with little boys.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm Scizophrenic And so am I.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

alert("Hello");

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Q)why couldn't the baby talk? A)the baby was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why wouldn't Michael J. Fox make a good Sniper? Because he has no military experience.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

what happened to the man who is standing in the rain? he got wet

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A dwarf walked into a pizza shop and ordered a large pepperoni pizza advertised as $12.50. He gave some money to the man behind the counter who then said, "Sir, you're a little short." The dwarf replied, "My apologies, I thought I had given you a twenty." He gave the man behind the counter the difference he owed, took his pizza and left.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the chicken cross the road?? Blue.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Dig a big hole in your front yard and wait next to it so when people walk by they'll ask "Why is there a hole in your front yard?" to whcih you will reply "I don't know. Do you wanna play Monopoly?"

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Knock Knock. Who's there? Sorry wrong door.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A Muslim walks into a bar. No-one survived the blast.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the dog in Detroit die in the street? It was stabbed.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Have you heard the one of the two headed man an the horse? Neither have I

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops