Whats worse than getting shot? Getting shot twice.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What has a bomb straped to itself and has wheels? Me. I lied about the wheels.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What's the differences between oranges? Trees don't have doors.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why do cats have eyes? So they can see.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

A man walks into a bar. The bartender says "why the long face?" He says, "I have acromegaly"

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree Because it died

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did the sky turn gray? Yes because she thought it meant a quarterback.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What would you do for a Klondike bar? Nothing they are disgusting and pollute your body with fats that are not necessary for you to live. -CNN.com 11.78534629/10 scientists agree with this fact.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

How do you get a dog and a baby mixed up? You stir your chili.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?  The woodchuck's ability to chuck has been left indeterminable. Therefore until the wood chuck's prowess in wood chucking is brought to light we must leave it a variable. Using the coefficient (L) to represent wood that can possibly be chucked. Then using (C) to represent the life cycle of said wood chuck chucking. We are also assuming this woodchuck will remain vigilante and not require food or sleep for the entire duration of chucking ultimately lowering is maximum chucking output. From this we can determine the W.C.P.S. (wood chucks per second). Finally subtract the remaining wood (RW) from the chucked total and we have rendered that :  L(W.C.P.S) - (C -RM/t) = X

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What's worse than being fired? Eating a bucket of diarrhea.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Q: What did the dog say the cat? A: nothing, because dogs cannot speak, and even if they could, I highly doubt they would speak cat.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Q: If you are debating whether to smoke marijuana, consider: what will your mother say when she finds your corpse? A: As a relatively harmless and non-addictive substance, Marijuana was most likely not the cause of my child’s death. It was probably AIDS.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

I saw a woman get burned alive on the news... That woman was my mom.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

If Johnny can hold 7 bottles of Vodka in one hand and 6 cans of beer in the other, what does Johnny have? A drinking problem.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What do you call a man with multiple sexual partners? Well, first you strongly urge him to get tested for any contagious and potentially dangerous STD's that could have been transmitted from one partner's genitalia to another person's genitalia which could have very well been he himself. They could be life threatening. Oh, and call him by his first name.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why was the boy sad? Because his family was raped and stripped of their possessions

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why is the boy lying down on the floor? The chandelier fell on him.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What's red, crunchy, and hard to chew. A brick.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What kind of drug did the cops catch the alligator with? None. They were going to use a tranquiliser dart, but SPCA intervened and simply held the alligator's mouth shut while they loaded it into a secure cage.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What is worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into your grandmother and finding a fish

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Mario walks into a bar A yak walks into a bar An orange walks into a bar 30 men barf in a juicy yot

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What body part do you shave other than your balls? My fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

knock knock ? Who's there ? idunnop idunnop who ? Eww you've done a what?!

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops