What do you call a mexican who steals toasters? A mexican toaster thief.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Kelly Oh hi Kelly! Long time no see! I know! I've been my working fingers to the bone ever since I got that promotion and I barely have any free time! That must be tough. It is but it pays bills! Being a mother of three isn't a task for the faint of heart. Now Kelly,I was wondering how you thought of the remodeled kitchen....

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Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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What starts with P and ends with "oop" POOP

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Roses aren't blue Violets aren't red She was my ex wife But now she's just dead.

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Your mom is so fat that she actually had a pretty hard time finding a husband.

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What do you get when you cross an owl and a bungie cord? My ass.

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Two tomatoes are crossing the road. Suddenly one of them gets hit by a car. He goes "AGH!"

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I would tell you a joke but I'm not funny

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Why was the Jew evicted from his home? He forgot to pay the rent

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what is green and smells bad? an orange dolphin that poops out rainbows.

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who is not good looking? mon morello

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womens rights.

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I'm a poet and I didn't even realize I was one

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Why did the fat guy smell bad? He just farted diarrhea.

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What's the difference between a lesbian and a Pringle ? One is a snack cracker, the other is a crack snacker.

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What did batman say to robin before getting into the batmobile? Get in the batmobile robin.

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Why did the girl fall off the swings? Because she had no arms.

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compardre No Pew.. Pew.. At mi OINK.. OINKs...

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What do you call a spaceman on Mars? Confused, because with the current technology it is impossible to send a human into space and onto Mars.

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why was the blonde confused? because she was born with a low IQ making her mentally retarded.

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why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible for his school's football tryouts. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

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what do you find at the top of mountains? things

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once, my brother took my lard and gave it to the less fortunet

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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