Friends are like snowflakes When you pee on them they disappear

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Is this the krusty Crab? No you idiot this is a phone!!!!!

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Whats the similarity between a rabbit and a grape? There both purple, except for the rabbit.

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Why did Jimmy miss a question on his test? He put D

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it's drivers license had been revoked for all of it's DWI's.

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Two nineteenth century men walk into a bar. Their wives didn't complain, because if they did they'd get hit. hard.

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How do you change your dishwasher into a snowblower? Give her a shovel.

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Why did the monkey fall from the tree? Because he died.

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Continents are large islands.

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Two muffins were in an oven. One muffin said "Wow, its hot in here." The other muffin said "Oh my gosh a talking muffin!" The house burnt down because the oven created a fire.

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An Indian lady is pushing her child down a footpath in a stroller whilst leading her dog. A refridgerator lands on the mother. Why did the Chinese man behind her cry? Because loss of life is a frantic event and having witnessed such an event he was deeply shocked. He was also sad that no dogs were killed. This is because a dog killed his wife in a freak accident and he has held a grudge against the species ever since.

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Sticks and stones may break my bones.

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What did the homeless man get for christmas eve? Hypothermia. What did the children get for christmas day? A traumatic experience when they tripped over his snow-covered corpse.

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Guess what i just did. Master bait.

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Why didn't you hit the little mexican boy riding a bike? - it's probably was not your bike and it would have been against the law if you did so it was the kind thing to do -AHW

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A man walks into a bar with a pack of Marlboros and promptly starts to light a cigarette. The bartender rushes over to stop him. "Hey! We don't allow smoking in here chump! Take it outside." The man replies with a big grin on his face. "Oh no sir. These ain't no ordinary cigarettes. My granddad gave me this pack a decade ago on his death bed." He pulls it out and shows the bartender 19 stale smokes. "He told me that any who took a single drag off any of them would have their biggest wish come true." the man recalled. The bartender had a perplexed look on his face and yelled "What the f*** are you talking about? Get out of here before I curb check your a**!" The man was then hastily escorted out by security. He then died 4 days later from autoerotic asphyxiation.

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Q: "What did the blueberry say to the cheesecake?" A: "I'm not your friend anymore!"

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Q: What do you call a Polish astronomer? A: Copernicus.

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Last week, I visited the Virgin Islands. Now it's just called Islands.

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How do you make a baby cry? Throw a brick at its face!

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Why did the little boy fall off the swing? I throw a refrigerator at him.

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Whats worst than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Being stabbed.

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How do you dance to the black eyed peas? You don't you listen

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Anthony sucks

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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