what is big and green and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? A snooker table

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A brown haired woman walks into a clinic and says, "Doctor it hurts whenever I touch myself." The doctor says, "Strange, I have never heard of such a disease. Please show me." The woman touches her leg and screams,"Ow!" Then she touches her arm and screams again. The doctor asks, "Are you a natural brunette?" The woman replies, "No, I am a blonde." The doctor says, "Oh, that explains it. You have a broken finger. God, you are so blonde." The woman gets her finger treated and then lives in agony for the rest of her life due to her untreated broken leg and arm.

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What has feet but cannot walk? What has a beak but cannot peck? What has wings but cannot fly? A dead bird.

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whats blue and fluffy? blue fluff.

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What is white and stands in the corner? A refridgerator who has been very bad...

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What does a Jewish Santa Clause say? This scenario is highly improbable as Jews celebrate Hanukkah and not Christmas.

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A bear and a rabbit both take a dump in the woods below an old oak tree. They look at each other, smile and nod their heads in acknowledgment of one another. The bear is first to let go of his rather large load and a loud THUMP is heard throughout the woods. Shortly after another and then another. The rabbit looks at the bear for a moment then turns closes his eyes and begins to strain. Finally the sound of what can only be described as a machine gun rattles through the wood. Looking impressed the bear looks over at the rabbit as it pops off its last few pellets. When the rabbit is finished the bear asks "Do you have a problem with the shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit thinks for a moment then looks at the bear and says "Umm... No, not really." So the bear uses the rabbit to wipe his arse.

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Anything involving women..

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If you are riding on a broomstick and it breaks in the middle of the ocean... How many pieces of toast does it take to fill a light house? Purple, because Oranges cannot fly.

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R.I.P. Steve Jobs

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Your momma is so fat that when she fell over, she couldn't get back up without help, and she probably got several bruises.

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How do you get a black man out of a tree? Politely ask him to come down

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What is black, white, red and blue? ..... A cow dressed as superman.

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Why can't Jimmy talk? He's dead.

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Once there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The end.

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Q.What do you call a black man flying a plane? A. A black pilot you racist bastard

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cancer

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Knock. Knock. Who's there? lettuce lettuce who? Lett-uce be friends

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They see me rollin' Up my sleeve for some volunteer work at the local shelter

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why did the chicken cross the road? dunno. i wasnt there.

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A black guy walks into his bar. So he pays his tab and couldn't have been more coureious.

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Why was the boy sitting alone? Because all his friends died.

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What did little jimmy get for Christmas? A box containing the malevolent soul of a 10,000 year-old demon determined to torment his cat.

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Roses are blue violets are red I think I'm getting drunk get me to my van

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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