a man walks into a bar. he orders a single drink, enjoys it, and drives home feeling a bit tipsy, but he was still able to operate his vehicle without an accident or a criminal charge.

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How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

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You are gay, homo, stupid and a dick

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Why did spongebob eat Patrick Because he was hungry

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whats water and frozen? an ice cube

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Why was the school field trip cancelled? The Holocaust.

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what does the sloth say to dylan sedgwick nothing dylan is the sloth

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My life sucks, I'm about 20 years old, and i haven't changed aged for 15 years, I'm stuck in this dead end fast food job, my colleague hates me, my boss is a money crazed freak, my best friend is a mentally retarded immature weirdo and to top it all off, I live in a pineapple under the sea.

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What do you call a depressed nerd who plays WoW. Me....

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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say yes will u remember me in a year?yes will u remember me in a month? yes will u remember me in a week?yes will u remember me in a minute?yes will u remember me in a second?yes knock knock whos there u said u will remember me u dick

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Q: What do you call a man driving a van with a bunch of stuff in the back that doesn't belong to him? A: A delivery man

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Q. How many lemons does one person take to fill a ladder? A. Fish

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Why was the pilot suspended from flight? He was the terrorist who caused 911. OUCHH

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We didnt star the fire ...........

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sometimes josh roberts sees how many things he can get in his bumhole befor is starts to bleed.

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Geography Teacher: Bill, British Columbia agreed to join confederation when the government of Canada agreed to do what? Bill: To build a bridge to where my father is who is divorced with my mom.*tear* Geography Teacher: Is that really nesscary Bill? You have a detention.

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Why did Jane scared of the video about a clown dancing in the room? Because it was her room.

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Have you ever seen the episode of the powerpuff girls where they save the day?

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What's brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr. Dre

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knock knock WUUUZZZZZUUUUUUUUP!!!!! WUUUUZZZZZUUUUUUUP!!! WUUZZZZUUUUUUUUP!!! WUUZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!! WUUUUUZZZZUU......

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There once was a man from berlin He knocked on a door to go in He got such a fright When the house did ignite That he never went knocking again

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Hey look! Where? Above you, get the rebound.

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if she is old enough to bleed, she probably wears tampons.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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