John walked up to his dad one morning and shouted, "Dad, it's my birthday!" Dad said, "Cool, how old are you?" John says, "I'm seven!" Dad tells him to go downstairs and tell his grandpa. John runs down and says, "Grandpa, it's my birthday, guess how old I am!" Grandpa sticks his hand in John's pants and sticks his thumb into his anus. As he pulls his hand out, he pinches his penis. Grandpa says, "You're seven." John says, "How did you know?" Grandpa says, "I heard you tell your dad upstairs."

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Q: How did the robber steal a laptop from best buy? A: With his hands

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What did the prostitute say to the president of the United States? Good morning Mr. President. She had managed to leave the sex industry, finished her education and was doing secretarial work in the White House.

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Just happy you are back Nero, I have no idea what a proxy is but I am at my mum`s place, is everything alright between us now?

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What would you do if I said a horse ate your mother? It doesn't mattet, I didn't

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Women deserve equal rights.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from K.F.C

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What did the black man say before he went to sleep? im going to sleep

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Man: You know what sucks? Other man: What? Man: Diarrhea... Know what's worse? Other man: No, what? Man: The smell.

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What's small, black and at the top of a burning building? Oh shit - I forgot my baby

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What do you call a guy eating a sandwich? Whatever his name is.

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Whats pink and silver and runs into walls? A baby with forks in its eyes. Whats green and silver and sits in a corner? The same baby three weeks later.

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Your momma's so fat, diet and exercise would probably save her life!

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What is similar about Michael Jackson and Walmart? Nothing they have nothing to do with each other

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knock knock WHO'S THERE?! ARE YOU A SEX CRIMINAL?! NO ONE WANTS TO DO THAT TO YOU MUM!

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How do you knock a clown off a swing? Hit it with an axe multiple times.

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What do you call a horse with bread on its ears? Boris, because that's his name.

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What did the sign say? It said slow down

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Why did 3 kids mom's die last year? Because they were depressed and committed suicide.

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What's brown and sticky A stick

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Knock Knock Who's there? Ken. Can I some and use your toilet, I really need a shit.

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5 Christians, 4 Arabs, 3 Jews, and a Monkey are locked in a room with sticky bombs, hand grenades, a bible, and some bananas. What do they do? play scrabble

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If anything is possible try to staple water to a tree.

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Why did the boy get and iphone? It was his birthday

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops