Jesus hates you this I know, because Buddha told me soo.

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Q. What is the answer to life the universe and everything A. 42

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What's funnier than 1 dead baby? Anything

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Why was the boy cold? Because he couldn't afford clothing.

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What do you call it wen black people are sky diving? ...Night

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When life gives you lemons, you must also have a proportionally sufficient amount of both water and sugar in order to make lemonade.

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how do you make a baby stop crying? but hot coals down its throat

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What tastes worse than dog shit? White dog shit.

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What can't catch or throw? A Quadriplegic

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how do you make a blond girl cry? kill her family

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What's worse than a worm in your apple? Having a self-conscious baluga hold a gun on you while you hand him all the money you have on you, then realizing balugas are creatures indigenous to aquatic regions, and then realizing you are deep under water and are probably about to die from suffocation

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Sad reality is that, you have a tab open just for ponies don't you?

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What did the alien say to the other alien? It's hard to say. They could use an inefficient form of aural analog communication, or a hyper-advanced form of telepathy. Either way, modern science hasn't brought us far enough to determine.

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Yo mamas so greasy that she has a beard

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There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who can count and those who can't.

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Pick a number between 2 and 8. Now multiply that number by 9. Now add the 2 digits of that answer together. (example 18 is 1+8) Now subtract that answer number by 5. Now choose the letter below that corresponds to that answer. 1 = A 2 = B 3 = C 4 = D 5 = E 6 = F Now pick a country that starts with that letter. Now pick an animal where the first letter of the animals name is the last letter of the country's name. Now think of a color where the first letter of the colors name is the last letter of the animals name. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Are you thinking of an orange kangaroo from Denmark?

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Eric went for a poo in the public toilets. After he finished, he realised that there was no toilet roll. So he had to just pull up his pants and put up with his sshitty arse for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, he was in a board meeting and when he went in he stank of shit and it was a very uncomfortable feeling.

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Q: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? You don't. You just shut up and listen.

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Knock-Knock Who's there? A giant spider-like insect that lays eggs in your brain which turn into larvae that drop down onto your tongue and eat your teeth slowly, then form a cocoon and turn into the spider-like insect spoken of previously. You then wake up from this terrible nightmare and get ready for your well paying job.

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Why was the blond stupid? She wasnt, its just that everyone loves stereotypes

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Your mom is so fat that she should watch her weight and maintain a healthy diet.

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what's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? one is fun to hit with a sledge hammer, and one is a watermelon

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Whats pink and slippery? A pink slipper.

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What does it mean if you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars? You both have five dollars

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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