The duck didn't cross the road.

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I found a lump on my right testicle. So, as a precaution I went to my local hospital to have myself checked out. Thankfully, it wasn't accute testicular cancer. Instead I only had to suffer for a few months, but it's getting better now. Sadly, I won't be able to have children and now my semen has a somewhat unsavoury flavour. Thanks for asking.

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Why'd the chicken cross the road? Its babies were being mauled by a cat.

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Q. Why did the lotion soothe the person's skin? A. Because its ingredients were selected because of their propensity to soothe skin.

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Why couldn't the girl go to the bathroom? Because she was obese.

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Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The Pterodactyl species became extinct 65 million years ago, and thus if you saw one today, you would be immediately taken into a mental hospital.

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What did Hitler say to Mussolini? I don't know. I wasn't there.

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How do you make a hobo cry? You steal his trash.

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"To tea to to to" -- russian tourist, asking for two tea to room 22. (DOKA)

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A duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Put it on my bill."

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Steven Hawking walks into a bar. Steven Hawking is disabled from the neck down. I lied.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Slowly being tortured to death.

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Two cows in a field. One said, "Moo!" the other said, "Shit! i was going to say that."

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nobody move! I've dropped my brain.

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what do you call a man who likes other men? A fag

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I have read and agreed to the terms of service

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Roses are black Violets are black Everything is black —Stevie Wonder

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Why did little jimmy fall of the playground? He was blind and wasn't aware of his surroundings

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In the middle of english class, Little Timmy raised his hand and asked "Can I use the restroom" The english teacher said " I don't know, CAN you?" Little Timmy said "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?

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your mom is so nasty that when she took a shower and acquired general etiquette, she became possibly more respectable

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Why was the door opened? Because I opened it

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Q: Why is Little Johnny in the hospital with a bullet wound and a broken arm? A: I shot him of his bike.

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Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? To End His Suffering On The Farm. Suicidal Mission.... Complete

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A horse, a duck, a pig, and a muslim walk into bar. The horse ducks, the duck's hoarse, the pig's in a blanket, and the muslim has a can, being surprised at how far a can can preach hate in chicago. The bartender reminds the muslim that he is keeping company with a swine, and the muslim feels offended for the poor horse.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops