- Anti Joke

What did the asian say to the President of the United States? I don't speak English

Why did the President fall down? He was assassinated. -mattobrado

Why didn't the boy answer the phone when it was ringing? Because he had no arms to pick it up.

What did the clock say to the book? I have no batteries.

What do you call a Muslim Extremest at the bottom of the ocean? A terrible tragedy for the Muslim community.

Q: What do you get when you cross a cactus and a platypus? A: I was wondering the same thing.

why should you not go to sleep in public? Because that's how you get raped.

What's the difference between you and a bucket full of shit? The bucket...

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head walk into a bar. You think they should have ducked?

Hey, in case you are around and still wonder how he got out. Anonymous tip from yours truly, if he had remained there, you would all have taken the blame. Just stay away from the deep web, and I wont be forced to come get all of you as well. For a long while I was suspicious that you might have been leaking information regarding me and all of us, but then the rules changed and information regarding Point Zero, subtle hints and such, began spreading, it has been removed, nobody will know what Intel was sold, so yeah, he was a mole, he is no more, for this I am sorry.

Person #1: Hello captain obvious. Person #2: Hello.

person: Ask me if i'm a tree other person: are you a tree? person: no

Haikus are easy But sometimes they don't make sense Refrigerator

How many dyslexics does it take to screw in a light bulb? Dyslexia is a cognitive learning disability characterized by the sufferer's inability to fluently spell, speak and read. Being a intellectual disability, the chances that dyslexia could impair the practical functionality of a sufferer are very slim and hence it it is highly probable that it would only take one dyslexic to change a light bulb in the simplest of conditions. However, to definitively answer this question, I would have to know a range of variables such as the height above the ground at which the light socket is mounted, the physical height of the dyslexic, the voltage and amp characteristics of the light-bulb itself, the physical well-being of the dyslexic etc. These variables are unknown, are not mentioned in the initial question (as is common for this type of question) and hence, I cannot answer this question to any degree of accuracy.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Who cares? Seriously, who, on this planet, bothers to care about such a trivial matter? Is it really that important to you that must be given clarification as to why a random bird species just happened to cross a road? Will knowing benefit your life in some fashion? Well I'd like to know how. Ha! Perhaps you feel that, if you have the answer revealed to you, it will give you extra guidance of some sort in raising a chicken as a pet, or training a chicken to perform tricks for an animal contest, or something along those lines. Well I'm afraid you are out of luck, as I will not tell you. By reading this passage, you are wasting so much precious time. As you keep reading, seconds pass and you only waste more. You could be doing so much more with your life right now. Instead, you could be studying a topic that you might need to be knowledgeable about in the future. You could be shopping for goods. You could be painting a nice picture, writing a short story, or composing a piece of music. You could be getting exercise, or cleaning your house, or spending time with family, or even raising money for charity. There are countless meaningful tasks that you could be carrying out which would benefit you and others around you, including those who are less fortunate than you. But no. Instead you choose to do nothing, reading useless and forgettable anti-jokes on a crummy website, with a strange, fruitless desire of knowing why a chicken crossed a road. You must have such a sad life. You know what? I pity you, so I have decided that I will tell you why the chicken crossed the road. But only if you want to know. You might not want to know by this point. Do you still want to know? Are you sure you do? Are you really, really sure? Because I'm gonna tell you, regardless. Just keep reading! Don't take your eyes off the screen! You will find out exactly why the chicken crossed the road in 3... 2...1... and here we go! Ready, kids? The chicken crossed the road because... because... because... whoops, actually, I forgot. Sorry.

Q. How many men did it take to build a wall? A. None, the wall is already built.

What's green and invisible? Nothing; green and all other colours of the rainbow have wavelengths that occur specifically in the visible range of the electromagnetic spectrum. Therefore any invisible object cannot be green.

why cant little timmy ski? he was born without legs.

Got in a Taxi and the driver said "You'll never guess who i had in the back of my cab the other day". I said "It's probably pointless me trying to guess then ".

What do you call a man whos had his arms ripped off in front of you? An ambulance, because with an injury such as this, you can die anywhere between 10 and 45 minutes

So God answered a paralyzed boy's prayer the other day...He said 'No'

What did the Doctor say to the patient. You have AIDS The patient took out a machete and stabbed the Doctor. The Doctor died. Two weeks later, the patient died of AIDS.

Yo mama's so fat that they have to grease the door frame and hold a twinky on the other side to get her through.

What the difference between a black person and a piece of shit in a bucket? The bucket

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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