A man found a magic lamp. He rubbed it and a genie emerged from the lamp. The genie asked what his new master's wishes were. The man wished for asthma.

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A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, “You must be single.” The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said “Well, you know what, you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?” The drunk replied, “Cause you’re ugly.”

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How do you get a one armed polock out of a tree? You assess the situation and get a ladder the proper size to reach him, making sure the ladder is stable.

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What's worse that pooping in your pants having someone see it

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What store adopted the dog ? The Pound

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Why was six afraid of 7? Because 7 was a terrorist.

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Why did the boy drop his ice-cream? He was shot in the back, knifed in the face, kicked in the groin, poo'd on by an alpaka, had frogs stapled to his face, his hair burnt off, pushed off a cliff, eaten by a scorpian, lost his arms legs and eyeballs, squashed by a hippo, ran over by a buss, truck and cement mixer, had cement poured on his frogs (that were stapled to his face), became morbidly obese, was raped by a chicken, was served as sauce at an italian resturant, was done by his mother's father's grandson, broke both of his detatched legs, crashed his car, went into a time machine and was crushed by a stegosaurous, had a lemon squesed in his detatched eyes, got high on cokeawana, was crushed to death by a garbage disposer and was rejected by the hobo at the shelter? no, actually, he tripped

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What do a tree and I have in common? We would both be mad if we got turned into paper.

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Why did the chicken cross the road. Because most living organisms eventually cross some form path that is commonly known as a road. Roads are hard asphalt that is very good for cars and other wheeled road licensed vehicles.

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What do a blueberry and a raspberry have in common? They are both commonly used in parfaits.

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Did you hear about the two guys that stole a calender? They each got six months.

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Roses are red Violets are blue You think you're smart But I've got a plan for you.. Leaves are green Stems are too You lied to me Now I will shoot you.. Violets are blue Roses are red You made me angry And now you are dead.

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Why was the road crossed by the chicken? Because as an animal, incapable of understanding human languages and consequently lacking in education, it was unable to understand the convention of not using the passive voice in English prose writing.

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What did George Washington say to his men before crossing the Delaware River? "Men, we're crossing the Delaware River."

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How many electricians does it take to fix a light bulb? One

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What did the dealer say to the addict? Sup.

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The awkward moment when something of quite awkwardness occurs.

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What's worse than being in the Holocaust? Dying in the Holocaust.

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Why did the asain fail his tests? They weren't math tests...

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Ask me if im a tree Are you a tree? No.

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"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Dracula." "Dracula who?" He pulls his cape up to his face and says, "May the force be with you,"

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I have a very serious problem with my narcolepsy. I occasionalolahdf;honainbirgnipqgierngiaqbhgpqruiph

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

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One time there was a guy who jumped off a bridge and died

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops