At his sentencing, a judge tells a convicted murderer that he will be hanged at noon on one weekday in the following week but that the execution will be a surprise to the prisoner. He will not know the day of the hanging until the executioner knocks on his cell door at noon that day. Having reflected on his sentence, the prisoner draws the conclusion that he will survive the hanging. His reasoning is in several parts. He begins by concluding that the "surprise hanging" can't be on Friday, because if he hasn't been hanged by Thursday, there is only one day left - and so it won't be a surprise if he's hanged on Friday. Since the judge's sentence stipulated that the hanging would be a surprise to him, he concludes it cannot occur on Friday. He then reasons that the surprise hanging cannot be on Thursday either, because Friday has already been eliminated and if he hasn't been hanged by Wednesday night, the hanging must occur on Thursday, making a Thursday hanging not a surprise either. By similar reasoning he concludes that the hanging can also not occur on Wednesday, Tuesday or Monday. Joyfully he goes to his cell confident that he has been spared from the hanging. The next week, the executioner knocks on the prisoner's door at noon on Wednesday and prisoner is completely surprised!

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Q: What did the 6 year old cancer patient say he wanted to be when he was older? A: Doesn't matter he died

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? One is a devotee of the torah, one is a delicious meal.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Hey Skrillex! Can you do me a favor and hold this bass for me? Sure thing, no problem. 3 seconds later... Oops! My bad! I just dropped it.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Wanna hear a joke? Ruddell had sex.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Roses are red Violets are blue Most poems rhyme This one does, too.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

what do you call a unicorn crossing a bridge? nothing there fake

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What's the difference between a good anti joke, and a bad anti joke? There literally is no good anti joke.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Waseem is such a hard worker on Anti Joke all day.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Knock Knock. Who's There? I have cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

whats something naked and nailed to a cross? jesus, idiot.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What do you call a man with a limp? A limping man.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why has Bugs Bunny got big ears? Because he's a rabbit

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What did the kid with no arms or legs get for christmas? A bike.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What did the black man do when he found a bucket full of KFC chicken on the ground? He promptly looked around for anyone who might have bought it. After searching around, with no takers, he ate some of the chicken and saved the rest. He brought it back to his apartment and left it in his fridge, so he may later eat it as leftovers.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What is the key to a good anti-joke? A disappointing or intellectual punch-line said in a calm and passive tone.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why couldn't Billy eat his dinner? Because a black man amputated his hands.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Q: How many chicken nuggets can fit into an olympic size swimming pool? A: 8,563,690,152... Corndogs

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, but I'm late for work.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Your momma's so obnoxious, your dad left.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What do you call a fat zombie? Dead

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What do you call a bathtub full of dead babies? A tradegy.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

If 2 wrongs make a right and 2 rights make a wrong, then when you have 4 rights=2 wrongs, you have a true statement. If you have 8 rights = 4 wrongs, you have a verified statement.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What do you get when you offer a blond a penny for his thoughts? Change.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops