A man walks into a bar. The initial impact knocks him violently to the ground, where he lies gasping in agony. Flustered and in a state of psychological shock, he shakily reaches up and touches his head in an attempt to asses the damage he has sustained and establish the seriousness of the situation. He lets out a resigned whimper when he realises his hands are stained a deep red. More blood gushes in torrents from his left temple, and the man chokes on his vomit as he writhes on the ground uncontrollably, incessant waves of pain washing over him. The protruding metal bar left so carelessly in his path has done a lot more damage than the man is aware of. His skull has been shattered in several places and he has suffered additional fractures to his cheek bone and jaw. Also, the sheer force at which the man has collided with the bar means that he is severely concussed and the onset of brain haemorrhage is becoming very likely. Brain haemorrhage is a very common cause of strokes and, if left untreated, the bleed will almost certainly kill the man in later life. However, the chances of the man reaching this stage in his life are now almost non-existent. He is losing copious volumes of blood from the wounds sustained to his face, and is becoming weaker by the second. He needs a blood transfusion immediately if he is to live. But nobody is there to go to his aid. The harsh reality is, he is doomed...

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How many Jews does it take to change a lightbulb? Depends on how big the lightbulb is

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What did the little boy with diabetes get for Christmas? A shot of insulin; just like every other day.

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How much dub could a dubstep dub if a dubstep could step dub?

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How many spots does a giraffe have? Depends on the giraffe.

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How do you confuse a Mexican? Stand in the middle of a crosswalk while shouting "Cthulu will rise!" whilst looking at the sky and playing "Everybody Have Fun Tonight" by Wang Chung. Works every time.

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If Johnny has 5 apples and Susie has 7 apples, will they give them to the homeless?

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Why was the boy crying? His mother has terminal cancer, and his father does not have the financial stability to cover the cost of the surgery and keep up on house payments and buying clothes and food for the children. He will be living in a foster home in a matter of a week.

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Why do things made by Glen taste so good? Because he has mastered the cream

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Your momma's so fat, that her doctor recommends that she exercises regularly and sticks to a healthier diet that includes foods with nutritional value.

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How do you stop a car from crashing into a wall? -You can't, you are welcome to try, but please don't.

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Y R U A B? I don't know why I am a bee.

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Whats white and sticky? Marshmellows

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Q: How do Hellen Keller's parents punish her? A: They give her a timeout

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Cause Magic Johnson has AIDS

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You walk by a boy and see he is playing with poop. You ask the boy what are you doing? He says I'm building a office. You ask him why he says "because I don't have shit to make a building"

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my mind's eye?

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what did the boy with cancer want for christmas? a gun

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Roses Are Red...Rolo's Are Round....Pull Down Your Pants And Let's Down!

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Your mamma's so dumb, we are seriously worried she might hurt herself.

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Why did the Chicken cross the road? To get to Your House. Knock Knock. Who's there? The chicken

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because goats lay eggs.

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A black guy walks into a kkk meeting.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops