What did the blonde say to the other blonde? "Hey, do you want to get something to eat?"

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A man finds a lamp in the desert. He picks it up and dusts it off. The lamp becomes cleaner.

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Whats black, white, and read/red all over? What? Michael Jackson after his surgery.

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What do get when you mix cancer and a bike? Lance Armstrong

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Parents who drive with children on their lap should be wrapped with a huge diapper

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Q: How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, they are too weak to climb the ladder.

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Why did a little kid's mom let go of his hand? John Wilks Booth shot her

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Why did Kelsey run out of eggs? Horses don't have much sperm.

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What did the Unicorn do with the Portal gun? Nothing. Neither of them are real.

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What is round and bad-tempered? A vicious circle

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Want to hear a joke? No.

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A Haiku It Is This One Is Kind Of Boring Now It's Time For Bed

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Hi! Do you know how much a polar bear weighs? Roughly 1150 pounds if a full grow male.

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Why do Jews fast for Yom Kippur? It's part of their tradition.

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What's white and can't jump? A fridge.

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My name is Will I am a real homosexual

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What has ears, but can't hear, eyes, but can't see, a mouth, but can't talk, and legs, but can't walk? A deaf and blind paraplegic with an improperly functioning larynx.

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Why was the dog hairless? I lied, it was a pig.

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When the mom came home from work, she was very tired. Her son asked her nicely to make him a PB&J sandwich. She says sure and makes one for him. The boy was very happy and ate his sandwich. I was actually lying above. The mom was actually killed by three men in hoodies that were hiding in her backyard. The came inside and also murdered the boy. Worst of all the killers took all of the food and the rasberries the boy was looking forward to eat, Guess it doesn't matter since he is gone...

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What's the best way to cross the road? Ideally with your feet and legs, consdiering as disabled people usually don't recommend their unfortunate state of affairs. However there are other alternatives which may or may not be better than common or garden walking, such as crane hire - crossing in a crane bucket in a safe spot; chauffer driven limos, which don't do the straight, direct route, generally; and being carried on a replica of Cleopatra's carry couch (but with modern suspension, unless you prefer the up and down motion)

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A man drove up to a drive-thru. He ordered a coke, but the lady at the window spilled it on his lap. He promptly changed his clothes and accepted the lady's apology.

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because She's Dead.

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Your mamas so fat, that any level of physical exercise is strenuous, but also mentally challenging, as she feels that there is a negative astigmatism attached to sweaty, red-faced overweight individuals trying to burn those pounds. This in turn makes her ashamed of the gastronomically decadent life she once lived, and so she doesn't have the confidence to try and reverse the damage she did during those insecure teenage years, instead comforting herself with the sugary, fatty bane of her life. She therefore lives in a vicious circle, angry at herself and the society that won't accept her. But remaining incredibly, repulsively fat.

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How many pastry chefs does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. It's a fairly simple job.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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