An Irishman walks into a bar he asks for directions, and leaves.

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What do you call a cat with 1 eye, 4 legs, and its tongue out? Road kill.

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What should you give your Italian plumber for a refreshment? Water, because he's probably working so hard that he's thirsty.

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What did batman say to robin before getting into the batmobile? Get in the batmobile robin.

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what do you do when you see a black man limping across your frontyard? you stop laughing an reload.

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Why did the boy dig a hole in the football field? He was blind and his parents were being quite irresponsible....However someone should probably fill in that hole, as that could be a hazard during a football game.

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What's worse that tripping over on your way home from work? Finding your entire family murdered

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What do you call a black woman who had 4 abortions? A Crimestopper

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Q: What's the difference between a black man from San Diego and a white man from Miami? A: They live in different cities, and in the presidential election, the black man voted for Obama and the white man voted for McCain

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Ok so im on antijoke.com and they tell me i can write my own joke... so i did.

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A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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A zen master walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything." The vendor says, "Sorry, we're out of relish." Then the zen master tells him, "Sir, I don't think you get the joke. As you can see by my long silk robes and fu manchu, I am clearly a zen master. And I have used a pun that would make you think I were asking for enlightenment from a hot dog." The vendor then says, "We don't take too kindly to wise guys here." And then the prick gets up and tosses me into the street!

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What does the Bill in Bill Clinton stand for? Bilious.

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Holocaust jokes aren't funny

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It is the conjoining of the two possible outcomes of the interstellar and post modern possibilities of the pasta sex god's niece's favorite colour after she falls off her bike whilst riding down a yellow slide after her twenty-seventh birthday when the two suns form a triangle in the night sky over the delta. Yes indeed that was good pudding.

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A man walks into a pole He breaks his nose And bleeds to death

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Roses are red, violets are blue shut the hell up, and sit the hell down

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Why does everyone treat Jesus as some sort of saint for making five thousand people bread, when Hitler made six million people toast?

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Q: How many burgers did little Johnny eat? A: Involuntary erections.

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My name is Corey, and I am Dickbang Majestic. Q: Who is Dickbang Majestic? A: Corey is.

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What do you call a man with a gun in his mouth? Keith.

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Here's a riddle: What can you catch, but not throw? A really heavy ball, or STDs.

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- Why does a kid from Chernobyl have two heads? - Because of the effects of the nuclear disaster that occurred there in 1986.

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In Soviet Russia, blonde is smart

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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