What did the army guy say when he lost his gun. Wheres my gun.

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Three children had stumbled into an old cottage where they were met by a wizard. The wizard pointed out a slide in the corner of his cottage. He told the children that they could each go down the slide and that they could shout out a word while sliding. He told them that what ever they shouted, they would land in a pool of it at the bottom of the slide. So the first child began sliding and shouted out "GOLD" and sure enough he landed in a large pool of solid gold. Due to its extreme hardness the child was killed immediately on impact.

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Is your refrigerator running? Yes Good. Enjoy your cold drinks.

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A man walked into a bar, he was meeting his friends but was half an hour early, so he went down the road and got a burger. He had recently began dieting to maintain a healthy weight, but had trouble with self control. 20 years later he would gamble away his life savings and then go onto live a lonely and unfulfilled life.

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what's worse then death? finding that your adopted, no one loves you and you mother raped you at the tender age of five.

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A guy walks into a bar, unfortunately for him, he walked in on a huge bar fight and managed to get the hell knocked out of him as he entered the door.

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Q: Why God never got a PhD? A: 1. He had only one major publication. 2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English. 3. It has no references. 4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal. 5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself. 6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then? 7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited. 8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results. 9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing. 10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects. 11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample. 12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book. 13. Some say he had his son to teach the class. 14. He expelled his first two students for learning. 15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his tests. 16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.

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How can you make a Russian happy? Giving him two tickets for him and his wife to Disneyworld.

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Heroshima

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Reminding you of your religion. The army led by God attacked their foes at the mountains, yet had to flee because the enemy had plated steel wagons. Moral: Either God cant beat steel, or he was not there at all, its your call gents, because reading Ave Maria 50 times each time you sin, without reading the whole thing, does not even make you a Christian you FUCK (yes I can curse, you cannot)

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You are so ugly that for Halloween you had to trick or treat by phone.

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What do a fish and an eagle have in common? They both live underwater aside from the eagle.

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Your mother is so fat that LOWERLOWEOROLWERLOWEH OIRH OWER IOWEJ OR OIJWE :JWEJKLR

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Yo mama's so fat when they asked her if she wanted fries with that she said yes

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High school is like forced anal sex, Hard, painful, and you cry your hopes and dreams at the end of it all.

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Whats white and rubs stuff out ? An albino with a rubber.

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How do you kill a retard? Give him a knife and say "who's special?"

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Whats similar about an elephant and a plum? Theyre both gray, except for the plum

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-Knock Knock -Who's there? -George. -George Who? -George Carpenter, Remember? We were in the same class in third grade. -Come on in!

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whats the difrence between a japaneese and chineese person? one is from japan and one is from china.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know you have to ask the chicken if you speak chicken

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It's good to be a scientist and great to be a biologist. However, it is never okay to be a scientologist.

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What were the pilots' of Malaysia Airlines Missing plane favourite programs? Lost...

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why didnt the black guy die on the bus fire? The fire was in the front of the bus!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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