If a tree falls on a woman, and no one is around to hear it, what is a tree doing in the kitchen?

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Q: What did the dog say to the owner when he took him to the vet? A: Nothing. It's a dog. It can't talk.

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A man walks into a bar with an octopus. He tells the bartender that his octopus can play any instrument. The bartender gives the octopus bag pipes. The octopus fiddles with the bag pipes but can't seem to play them. The man gives the bag pipes back to the bartender and leaves with his octopus. He is quite embarassed and decided to get bagpipe lessons for his octopus.

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Why was the man so cold? He was in a fridge

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What's red and has two legs? Half a cat!

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Whats green and red, in a ditch, and has cookie crumbs all over it. The girl scout i ran over with my car.

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There was a papa tomato, a mama tomato, and a baby tomato. They were walking and baby tomato starts lagging behind. So the papa tomato stomps on the baby tomato and says nothing because tomatoes can't talk.

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Nothing.

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Please save our environment :) Dont use electricity. Use gas! Like Hitler.

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Why didnt the car turn on? Cause the keys werent in the ignition

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How do you stop a baby from crying? Slit its throat

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Where did the farmer take his pigs on Saturday afternoon? the Slaughterhouse

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Why isnt there any mexicans on star trek? Because even in the future they dont work.

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Why did the pied piper eat tea half past three? Because the chicken tripped on the way across the street and the fat lady didn't sing.

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What is blue and has clouds in it? The sky.

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my girlfriend had a weird fetish, she used to dress up like herself and act like a bitch all the time.

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Monks do not speak.

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How do you kill a blonde? Stab her with a knife.

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If Irishmen didn't walk out of bars, they would collect and eventually fill the bars of the world and would die given the bars could not support them.

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Have you heard the one about the dead guy? Neither has he.

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How many licks did it take for the owl to get to the center of the tootsie roll tootsie pop? A: Since when did owls have tounges?

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Q: How do you make a black man nervous? A: Threaten to kill his family.

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What did the cow say to the horse? Mooo

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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