How do you wake up lady gaga? You set her alarm clock for a reasonable hour.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Josh Moran sticks polish sausage up his ear and moves it back and forth while squeezing his balls until they rupture.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A man walks into a bar, sits down and talks to the woman sitting next to him. The woman took out a cigarette, and offered one to the man. The man said yes, even though he never smoked before, because he was trying to get with the woman. They smoked a few more before the woman left, and the man left shortly after. The man became a chain smoker and died 1 year later from lung cancer caused by smoking multiple packs a day.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

whats long hard and full of seamen? a submarine.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

...The new series of spinoff movies from the worlds most frightening franchise! Pretty Normal Activity: Doing the groceries *****-Did not scare me at all :D! Ballbusters movie rentals *****- The demon never showed up which made this the scariest movie ever! Could not sleep for months... Whatyumean there is nothing paranormal in this? Aww FU*beep*CK!! Sumgay Inthestreet Journal *****-Pissed myself just from hearing the title got a stroke and almost died!, was it another Paranormal movie you said? Most overhyped comment we could find. Goddamn exaggerated movie reviews that fooled me into buying the original and expect something actually scary :(

thumb_up thumb_down +16

His Royal Highness was hunting in the forest accompanied by his squires and hunting dogs. A man, screaming, ran wildly out of the brush and addressed the hunting party. He said, "DON'T SHOOT! I AM NOT A MOOSE!! PLEASE DO NOT SHOOT!!!!" The king calmly raised his rifle to his eye and fired, hitting the man in the temple, and instantly killing him. A squire frantically turned to the king and said "Sire! Why did you kill this man?! He CLEARLY said he was not a moose!" The King replied "Oh! I thought he said he WAS a moose..."

thumb_up thumb_down +16

what happens if you toss a grey stone into a red sea? it gets wet...

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Two muffins are sitting in an oven they say nothing to eachother because they are muffins and cannot speak if they did they would most likely be taken by the US government and studied and assumed to be alien life forms but anyway the muffins were taken out later and presumably eaten

thumb_up thumb_down +16

pull my finger (farts)

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Thats what she said

thumb_up thumb_down +16

h

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did John say to Paul before they entered the car? "Paul, get in the car."

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Adam Thomas is homosexual

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Its linked with the process of extracting uranium isotopes, but lets change the subject, with that said, I hope you can help me with some management advice such as the one you gave me, I will of course pay you.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did Stephen Hawking say to a prostitute? Push me, and then just touch me, Till I can get my, Satisfaction.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Persond A: A guy blows himself and his family up with a hand grenade Person B: HEY!!! Thats not funny thats how my family died

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How do you make a person cross the road? Ask them nicely.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

I would tell you a joke but I'm not funny

thumb_up thumb_down +16

"Knock, knock." "You don't have to say that. The door's open, come on in."

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Anne Widdecombe becomes attractive.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

who is not good looking? mon morello

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why was the Black man running with a T.V.? Because he had just purchased a new LCD FlatScreen from BestBuy, and a torrential downpour had just began and he didn't have a free hand to hold up his umbrella.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the all black baseball team beat the all white baseball team? Because the black team scored more runs than the white team.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Did you hear about the guy in town living in a tyre, he got a puncture now hes living in a flat.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops