Fine, the facts add up, excuse me if disinfecting what is left of my eyeball hurts like a bitch and reminds me of the fun I had losing about half of it and my eyelid left/right eyelid (I cannot tell left from right, I was born that way, on the bright side I can use both hands for everything). You know, I am sorry for taking such drastic measures, you know I could have spent the entire day with my wife and both my eyes, we where going on a trip around the world and stuff. Instead she is in police custody and I am stuck looking like a fucking pirate and my friend here does not quite get that its not the aching burning pain of living hell that gets to me, but rather the sensation of feeling pain at the core of my fucking eye whose sensation is so fucking overwhelming that I get just a little bit ticked off. Fucking hell am I glad we do not have a kid. I cannot pick up the phone, you see, its not my number, I paid off a couple of friends (do not really know them) To change their names to Nero. Now, if this is true and you have no idea who assaulted me, then you should have no problem knowing that I wont reveal where you live because we live pretty close to one another, you are not the only one that has proxies. If you do not mind you will have to chat with me here for a while, my eye hurts like a bitch and the fucked up sensation gives me just a tiny bit of anxiety, I will answer the phone, when my fucking hands stop trembling, I already dropped the fucking cell twice. Now it is busted and my friend is trying to put the chip into the other one yadayada, given the conditions I will call you,

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did the Old man die? He died of old age.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

women's rights

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Q. How do you make your neighbor mad? A. Run his kids over.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

I hear Lebron has a new phone. He has it on silent all the time. It's because he doesn't want to disturb anyone around him while they prepare for important games in which he will be an indispensable part of, especially during the 4th quarters of the NBA Finals.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What is a black man's favorite food? It differs from person to person.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

You wanna see something really scary?

thumb_up thumb_down -13

How many black babies fit in a garbage can? It depends on the capacity of the garbage can.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did the Chinese man fall down the stairs? He was shot in the face.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a headache OUCH!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven killed all of six's family

thumb_up thumb_down -13

How do you get your dog to stop barking? You snap its neck.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

what did the girl said to the stalker? i dont know cuz if i did, i would be a stalker

thumb_up thumb_down -13

I forgot to tell you something I forgot wat it was

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did the prestigious college accept the Native American student? Trick question, Native Americans don't exist anymore.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A Jew and a German meet by chance in a bar. They exchange pleasantries and order drinks. At the end of the evening they leave, having made a friend.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Your mother has cupcakes, she offers you one, how many does she have left? The same amount she had before, you are full. Moral: Cupcakes.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What's worse than 9/11? FaZe Banks' upload times

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Y

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did Jessica fall off the swing? She doesn't have any arms Knock, knock Whose there? Not Jessica

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What's under the first mate? The second mate.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What is the deferince between a lamborghini and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a lamborghini in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

I am iron man 24 flavors in my van i am the icecream man i have met jackie chan

thumb_up thumb_down -13

"knock, knock" "who is there?" Gestapo

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops