2 mentally, unstable , woman visit the cinema , and watched "The Sweeney,"they really enjoyed it

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Why was the black man at the back of the bus... Cause all the other seats were taken

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The sentence at the bottom is true. The sentence at the top is false.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke-'er-face

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If dropped from the same height, which hits the ground first an apple or a baby? the apple because the baby has a rope tied around its neck

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How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his family.

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What's the main difference between an angry white man and an angry black man? The angry black man is probably of African descent.

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I was at work today and whilst staring at my beautiful colleague I realised how hard it had got. So I quit

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Roses are grey Violets are gray Tulips are grey Lilly's are grey Dandelions are grey Daisy's are grey Daffodils are grey I am colour blind.

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How do you make a homeless person cry? cut an onion in front of him.

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How do you make someone think your wierd? Pretend to be a panda.

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A girl and her family were walking by a cliff. Suddenly - due to a a part of the cliff falling away - her family fell over the edge and died. The girl ran to the bottom of the cliff and saw her family's body's strewn across the rocks, blood everywhere. She didn't have a phone on her and so could not call the police. She called over a man she saw in the distance. He asked "What's happened?". Just managing to stammer the words through her tears she said "My entire family fell off a cliff and died". The man unzipped his trousers and said "This really isn't your day is it love?"

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What do you get when you mix 5 bottles of beer, a bottle of vodka, 3 glasses of red wine, and 15 jello shots? Alcohol poisoning.

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How do you get rid of Herpes? You can't.

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My did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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Sticks and stones may break my bones, But words can leave deep psychological wounds that may never heal.

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A man was caught by the Aztecs for stealing from their tombs. The Aztecan chief said,"Sometime during the next week I will kill you, but I will do it when you least expect." The man was then given a room. He deduced that he couldn't be killed on the last day, Saturday, or else he would see it coming, so it must be before Saturday. He then deduced that it couldn't be on Friday, because he would expect it to be before Saturday. He used this logic to rule out every other day of the week, therefore the Aztecan chief would never kill him. He was killed on Wednesday.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? One is a human being belonging to a particular religious minority and the other is a delicious Italian food favoured by English speaking western cultures. The problem with this anti-joke is that the facts are not correct, pizza was originally invented and China; however,it looked quite different then what might be considered pizza by our standards, when pizza was brought to Italy it was improved to make what we now consider pizza in modern times. While some people may consider pizza an Italian food, this would be failing to give credit to the Chinese who invented it.

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Why did Tupac Shakur get shot? He was a famous and very controversial celebrity, which naturally led to having a lot of enemies.

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What do you have Canasta!!! Were not playing canasta you stupid asshole

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Why did Gus go to the HC? Because he got high off his ass.

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What happened to the cow that couldn't moo? It died because it could not make it's needs known to it's fellow herd and was bullied and isolated.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Well I'll tell you. He was happily gliding down the sidewalk when he realized that his destination was across the road. He then proceeds to take In his surroundings . He finds that there is no indication telling him to stop so he then cautiously walks across the road watching for any dangerous movement. He safely makes it across and proceeds to his destination which is the slaughtering house. He is a retarded chicken

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How do you treat people that cannot say no in just two seconds? (redux and spellchecked) Treatment: Hi...: *locks door* NOW SAY NO TO ME! SAY IT MUAHAHAHA! People: NO PLEASE I CANT! NOOOOOO! *door unlocks* Problem solved, NEXT!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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