How do you make a baby be quiet when it is crying? slowly choke it to death

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A neutron walked into a bar and asked "how much for a drink?" The bartender did not reply because a neutron is so small he didn't notice that it even entered.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. -Knock Knock. -Who's there? -Not Sally.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A child walk's into a bar. And gets sexually abused.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Knock knock. Who's there? Gestapo. Gestapo who? Your husband is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

why did the lady fall on the ground? The cord for the parachute was cut by her husband

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do giant panda bears eat? giant bamboo

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Tom buys his wife Mary the latest Eco friendly car. The car is said to get well over 100 miles on a tank of gas. A week later, Tom is stunned to learn that while Mary was driving to the supermarket the car ran out of gas. The tank was full and Mary only drove 5 miles. How is this possible? Mary was involved in a horrible car accident. The gas tank immediately emptied and set fire to Mary and her baby.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb? None. They use candles

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the cat bite its owner's? Because the owner had been dead for several days and the cat was locked in the house with nothing else to eat.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How do you make a plumber sad? You kill his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q: What did the Goth-Punk girl write on her test for the question "What are three kinds of rock?" A: Igneous, Sedimentary, & Metamorphic, She is a 4.0 Geology Major attending a respectable University. She simply chooses to express herself through the musical and clothing trends that emerged in 1970's English underground music. In reality it her personal preferences in the aforementioned areas have no bearing on her intellectual or academic standing.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How to kill a mocking bird? Stab it

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A man walks into a bar and orders an alcoholic beverage. The bartender serves him and inquires about the man's day. The man says nothing, drinks his beverage, pays his tab and walks out.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Every human being has some kind of penis <3

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why is six afraid of seven? Because Osama bin Laden is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why do black people have the whitest teeth? Because they brush regularly.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How many wooden chairs can a black man staple to a whales forehead? 27 because Helen Keller does not like blueberries.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you call a black priest? A black priest

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Knock knock Who's there? The Gestapo. Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Roses are Red You're Black and Blue My fists seemed to have taken A liking to you

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why Was Mary Short? She Had No Legs.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Yo mommas so fat... that when it was rainning, she put on her rain coat and went outside, everyone was saying that the sun came up

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's dry and unpleasant to eat? Sand.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops