why did the pirate not get in to the pirate movie it was rated arrrrrr

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What did the boy with no arms or legs get for christmas? Shoes

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "why the long face", the horse said nothing; because it is a horse.

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O.J. Simpson. What would you do in that situation?

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Lisa’ house needed to be painted and her brother offered to do it for her. Lisa thought it was a nice gesture and told him that she wanted the house in antique white. However; after painting the house, Lisa noticed that her brother had used a color with a dark yellow tone. ”Are you sure this is Antique white?” she asked him. ”Offcourse!” he said. Afraid of hurting his feelings, Lisa didn’t dare to say anything. Ten years later, the house needed to be painted again. This time Lisa wanted to hire a professional painter, but her brother insisted on doing for her. He brought the paint, which Lisa recognized as the same yellow paint, with a color that Lisa had really begun to hate. ”Brother, are you sure this is antique white?” she asked, forcing a seriousness in her voice. ”Offcourse!” he answered, and Lisa was still too embarressed to object. Her brother didn’t have an easy life and she didn’t want to break his confidence. So the house was painted, same as before. Lisa did however notice a strange light in her brothers eyes. Another ten years passed, and the house needed to be painted a third time. This time however Lisa had had enough. Though it was her brother, she had become increasingly ashamed of her house had even stopped having guests over. With a deep breath she picked up the phone and called up her brother, ready to confront him. A woman answered; it was his wife. She could hardly speak because of her sobbing. Unfortunately Lisa’s brother had been killed in a car accident earlier that day.

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You

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What's black and white and red all over? A penguin in a blender.

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What's harder than nailing a baby to a tree? My penis whilst im doing it.

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Q: Why is 6 afraid of 7? A: Because 7 is a serial killer.

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I enjoy anal.

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What's the cure to Ebola? Suicide

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What do you get when you cross a donkey and a horse? a mule

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If one of us goes, all of us go. If we all go, none of us are left out.

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What did little jimmy get for Christmas? A box containing the malevolent soul of a 10,000 year-old demon determined to torment his cat.

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What do you call a homeless person with a dog? An animal lover.

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Your mother is so stupid, she is unable to uphold a steady job and cannot support you financially.

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Wow, so it is true, you are here the entire fucking time aren't you bitch? You and all "six billion of your followers of the dark", listen asshead, one thing is people asking ME when I FUCKING SIGN BOOKS (which does not happen all that FUCKING OFTEN!) Why I lead a fucking cult of sorts. Another one is having your goons stab me in the FUCKING EYE, and going "Oh I am like so sorry, please let me be the gayest I can be" People assaulting me because I use the "Moralman identity" IT IS MINE! My real FUCKING NAME IS NERO! I DON'T GO AROUND STEALING NOBODY`S SHIT!

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What did one homo say to the other? Well, the politically correct term is homosexual, and he didn't say anything because they've never met.

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Why can't Helen Keller Drive? Because she's a women. Why can't Stephen Hawking speak freely with his voice? Because he's autistic.

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lol a man is drowning

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A boy walks into his friend's house for a party. While he waits for his friends to return from the bar he realizes there are many people waiting in different lines for various kinds of drinks. After his friends return he decides he does not want any of the carbonated drinks they had ordered, instead he chooses to wait in the fruit punch line. There is no punch line.

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Yo mamma's so fat, she's self-concsious about her weight and is embarassed when people make fun of her weight which makes her escape to her only friend, food, which makes her even fatter, so she will never lose weight until society accepts her and is not so prejudice towards overweight people.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Don't cry, it's only a joke. It's not that, my wife and son were just killed in a drunk driving accident.

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Oh no! My life is ruined!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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