Felix? The Lucky cat? That is the only thing that comes to mind, I am dead tired, but I really don't mind staying up until I cant anymore physically, as for mentally I am getting pretty bad as for company.

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What was the fly doing in the soup? Nothing, the guy ordered pizza.

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What do you get when you cross a shark and a squid Nothing thats impossible

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Why did the little boy fall down the stairs? I pushed 'em.

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What's the difference between a duck? They are mostly the same, only one leg is shorter.

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What's black and yellow and flies? I dont know.

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What did the black kid get for christmas? Nothing, he doesn't celebrate christmas

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a blonde walks in to a bar, the bar tender gives him a free drink because he's a man and it's nazi germany

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A sixty Year old man walks into a bank to rob it. He tells the bank teller, "Take the money and put it into a bag!" The teller told him, "Sir I don't have a bag." So the old man turns around and walks out.

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What do you call a horny blond on the corner? A prostitute

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A girl and her friend got into a fight. They both bled to death.

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What did the banana say to the apple? We're fruity.

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Two peanuts are walking down the street. One of them was a salted Peanut

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Who is the dumbest person on the entire internet? Shortpoet-GTD

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why was the baby crying? cause his abusive father broke his arm.

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what has 2 legs and bleeds? Half a dog.

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What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp? There is none, one is a female human being with blonde hair and the other is a headlamp with a halogen lightbulb.

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What is black and blue and red all over? My wife.

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How did the mexican cross the border? He went through border patroll, and then later became a legal citizen of North America

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How do you make a snake blink? You can't

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My favorite color is Ham. And I can count to Potato.

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How did the fat guy survive the air crash? He was he was astronomically and improbably lucky.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Why do girls think they deserve the very best? Because if an ugly girl in twilight can find a hunky vampire and ripped werewolf why can't they. And let's not forget those crappy Disney princess movies.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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