A man quites his job to open a coffee shop which has been a dream of his for years, The shop does well with a healthy supply of customers and a steady income,The man is now financially stable.

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Why was Jimmy sad? Because he was about to be shot for attempting to assassinate the president.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I like pussy Because it feels really good when I stick my penis inside her vaginal opening

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There were once three brothers who were traveling along a lonely, winding road at twilight. In time, the brothers reached a river too deep to wade through and too dangerous to swim across. However, these brothers were learned in the magical arts, and so they simply waved their wands and made a bridge appear across the treacherous water. They were halfway across it when they found their path blocked by a hooded figure. This hooded figure then proceeded to step out of the shadows and mug them, all three of them were brutally murdered. This is why you stay away from hooded figures when you are being talked about in a story being told in third person.

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roses are red violets are blue your moms a whore thats it

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Why did the black guy cross the road? His car was parked across the street.

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What do you call a unicorn that is both invisible and pink? The Invisible Pink Unicorn.

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"Knock Knock" "Who's there?" "Will farrow now gimme your hentai"

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Verbal assault; because battering someone to death with a dictionary has never been so much fun. [L]

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When life throws you lemons, duck.

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If I could slow down time I would have become a super criminal or something, no, my movements become slower also, ever heard of a game Max Payne? The character can slow down his perception of time and still aim his gun normally while he himself moving at the same speed as the rest. I well... when time seems to go slower, my thoughts do not, so yeaaah, Except my fast reactions also make me wear myself out faster to the point where I got injured a lot as a kid, like smacking my wrist against arcade games and stuff, broke my wrist, as a teen, still hurts when it rains, yeah weird but true.

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Why would Bill Clinton like Jess so much? Cause he has a vagina, smells like shit, and has cankles.

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Q: How do you make a plumber cry? A: Murder his family

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra drinks a bear and leafs .....

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Daughter: Mom can i watch a movie? Mom: Sure. Daughter: Thanks mom! You're the best mom in the world! Well....Mary is, since she had Jesus.....But anyway. Thanks!

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Yeah, but why is this honesty so important for you, personal reasons because you are like that, because you consider me a friend? Or because a single lie, could have catastrophical consequences?

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Hellen Kellers dad put a plunger in the toiler and left it there. Hellen Keller went to use the bathroom and.. moved the plunger so she could take a shit.

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What happens if you punch a girl? An equal rights protest.

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My diick won't stop barking unless I take it for a walk, problem is, I can't find a leash big enough

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What happens if you an 3ft size olive, a glob of red paint and rainbow colored glue on a table and rub your arm in it? You get olive, red paint and glue on your arm.

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What do you call a muslim in an airport? A muslim going on vacation you racist bastard.

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a murderer sees a young child left alone at a park... he promptly finds the childs mother and returns her to her home.

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What's the opposite of white? Black. You're racist. You fapped.

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Why is six afraid of seven? Because Osama bin Laden is dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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