-hey sam look what mom gave me for christmas -what eli? -a new baseball bat -thats your prosthetic leg silly

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman gets off the bus and files a complaint with the public transit system and the driver loses his job.

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What is the difference between a baby and a rat? I don't have a rat in a cage

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What did one pole say to the other pole? We are both from poland

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What is purple after you stroke it a lot? An eggplant

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Your mother is so fat.

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What has five balls and hates Mexicans? The lottery.

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if a black man, a Chinese man, and an Indian were about to jump off the Eiffel tower, who would hit the ground first? who cares?

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Why did the pirate say to the donkey? Rrrrrrrrrrr you a donkey?

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How did the blonde die? She got slurped up by a 1,000-foot anteater. How did the 1,000-foot anteater die? He got slurped up a 10,000 foot anteatereater. How did the 10,000 foot anteatereater die? It doesn't matter. The Earth just got slurped up by a one-trillion-foot planeteater.

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Why do black people like fried chicken?? Because it was fried

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why was the boy crying? ... because he had a frog stapled to his face.

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A black kid, an Asian kid, and a Jewish kid walk into a barrier. They are students at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and they walk straight through the barrier onto Platform 9 3/4.

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What's the difference between a zombie, a vampire and a werewolf? One is a zombie, one is a vampire and one is a werewolf.

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Knock knock

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To escape the horrors of factory farming.

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Q: How many Chuck Norrises does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: negitave 999999999999999999e

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a horse walks in to a bar and the bar tender asks, "why the long face?" The horse doesn't respond because it is a horse and is confused by its surroundings and then gallops out of the bar knocking over a few tables as it makes its escape.

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hey i just met you and this is crazy but hears my number so call me maby .....7 days

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What did the thin Italian say to the fat Italian? I don't know, I can't speak Italian.

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What do homosexual men do during sex? I don't know, but if you want to, I suggest you ask one of them.

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What is both dead and alive at the same? nothing, thats scientifically impossible you fool

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How do you make a little girl cry? Throw a brick at her face.

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Asian NASCAR.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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