What will your friend do after you kill him? Nothing, he is dead.

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What did Aladin say to Mulan? Nothing. Although they are both Disney characters, they never appear in the same film, and therefore never communicate.

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Why wad six afraid of seven? Because seven was a sexual offender.

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Why did the mum scream at the boy? Because he was being stupid

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Q: what do u call a plane that flies A: a plane

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Hickory Dickory Dock My dog died today.

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What are three things an average teenager cannot live without? Oxygen, Food, and Water. Duh.

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How do you know that an elephant has been in your refrigerator? The door is ripped off and the refrigerator is lying on it's side. All the shelves are strewn around the floor and your food has been partially eaten or simply crushed. You also have costly damage done to your house and most likely a frightened elephant in your house

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What do an airplane and a strawberry have in common? They can both fly.... Except for the strawberry

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was shot In the face. Why did the cow fall out of the tree it was stapled to the monkey.

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What do you call a black man flying a plane. A pilot.

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If an oak tree falls in the woods, and the tree has 3 squirrel nest in them, then does a whale jizz in the ocean?

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How do you kill somebody? A: I don't know, I'm not a murderer.

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why did the blond get and abortion? because she was forcefully raped by her 42 year old boy friend and felt she could not raise a child on her own.

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What did the Rasta man say when he got his dread stuckin the toilet ?

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Why didn't the cab driver pick up the black man? Because the cab driver already had a passenger and it would be unprofessional to pick up another person.

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What did the cow say to the other cow? "Baaa", he had an identity crisis.

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It was a beautiful day, John was driving in his car down the street, Kameron was riding his bike preparing for a bike race the following day, and Griffin was having his 7th birthday party. John ran over Kameron and Griffin, he killed Griffin and broke Kameron's legs to where he could never stand/ride again

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Why are stand up comedians called stand up comedians? Because they are standing up while telling jokes, dumby.

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What's worse than finding your cat dead? Finding your cat dead because it choked on your goldfish.

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Doctor! Doctor! There is a fly in my soup! Moral: Huh?

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A boy owned a dog that was uncommonly shaggy. Many people remarked upon its considerable shagginess. When the boy learned that there are contests for shaggy dogs, he entered his dog. The dog won first prize for shagginess in both the local and the regional competitions. The boy entered the dog in ever-larger contests, until finally he entered it in the world championship for shaggy dogs. But the day before the championship the dog died.

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What do you call a man running around town with no clothes on? Naked.

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Yo momma is so fat tat people yell TAXI, TAXI when she wears yellow.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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